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audrey horne twin peaks
Audrey Horne from Twin Peaks

How to tell if you’re in a David Lynch movie

Does life feel chaotic and non-linear? Do people you’ve already met seem to keep cropping up again and again?

You’re living surrounded by industrial wasteland. You or your mates work in industry.

Nothing beats going to hang out at a bar with an entertainer performing on a beautifully draped stage. Red drapery a bonus.

As much as you may try to relate to society, you’ll remain lost in alienation and estrangement.

Life never seems to be moving in a linear way. At times it feels chaotic and disorganised.

Everything and everyone around you is ruled by some bizarre logic. But that logic is always backed up by someone’s thought-out reasoning. 

You sometimes wonder where real life ends and dreams begin. Sometimes your subconscious takes over and almost reproduces itself in real life.

You’re a very productive dreamer. When you do nod off, you tend to wake up with the answers. 

Even the most boring situation or place can suddenly become wild or scary.

The house is a place where things can go wrong. And they do, all the time.

When sex isn’t outright fearful, it’s completely bewildering. Come to think of it, you can’t remember the last time you didn’t have a disorientating hook up.

There’s so much violence in the world. Hardly a day goes by without a head injury.

Sometimes you feel like you’re trapped in a film-noir detective mystery.

Now you think about it, sex is almost always connected to the crime of the moment. And absolutely everything going wrong. Why does sex have to be so weird? 

Love is real – idealised, even – for some people, but it’s so innocent and sexless.

Characters you’ve already met seem to keep cropping up again and again.

Either you know a lot of Geminis, or there just happens to be a tonne of people out there with multiple identities.

Every time you’re about to have a transitional moment, a flickering flame, fire or lightbulb appears. Why? What does it mean? Weird.

You get the strange feeling patterns and shapes are repeating themselves in tiles or wallpaper.

The bizarre music of Angelo Badalamenti follows you everywhere.

You’re a demonic, abrasive or aggressive man. 

You’re a deeply, sincerely unhappy woman.