And you'll have to share a toilet with everyone else living in misery
London's rent prices are soaring while the places we live in are getting smaller. The latest overpriced chicken coop to raise eyebrows is a one bed flat on Castletown Road in West Kensington, an affluent borough of our capital that has more or less nothing interesting in it.
The flat is advertised on property website Zoopla and uses predictably choice language to lure in prospective renters, opting for "cosy" instead of "godawful shithole that'll erase your sanity."
Here's how Zoopla describes it: "A cosy, single studio located in the heart of London’s fashionable and up-market area of West Kensington, this compact mezzanine includes not only a fully furnished living area including table, chair, wardrobe and chest of draws but also a personal shower and kitchenette complete with storage. This property is sure to be a popular choice with, students, working professionals and those looking for a thriving London life but at an affordable rate."
The description of the shower as "personal" seems a little off – as if you should be grateful there's not a total stranger in there with you asking to borrow your soap.
Also, call me A Total Fucking Loser With No Idea What's Cool, but I'd bet my sad one bed flat that nobody thinks of West Kensington as "fashionable".
A key word omitted from the flat's description is the word "toilet", but with good reason – there isn't one. Any tenant living in the flat will have to share with other people in the building, but needing to relieve yourself will probably turn into a treat, a chance to get out of the house, stretch your legs and spend some time in a urinal with other morbidly depressed Londoners.
National Housing Federation chief executive, David Orr, emailed us a statement: “It’s absurd and unfair that people are shelling out around half their incomes to live in homes the size of a shoebox in London," he said. "This is one of the many signs of the chronic housing crisis currently facing our capital.”
We've asked Zoopla for comment on how the rent price is determined, but we're yet to hear back.
London – how long can this go on? Young people are already escaping up North for a search of a better life – soon this sprawling metropolis will completely force out the people that make it what it is and leave behind a dead-eyed city brimming with wealth but lacking in spirit.
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