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Gorillaz Noodle May's horoscopes
Noodle from GorillazArtwork Jamie Hewlett

Noodle from Gorillaz gives you May’s horoscopes

As they work on their ongoing Song Machine project, the virtual band’s guitarist reads this month’s horoscopes

If you’ve been keeping up with Song Machine, the latest project from Gorillaz, you might have noticed things have started getting... celestial.

Song Machine is a series of singles and music videos that sees the band quickly record and release new, collaborative tracks. Previous episodes have paired the group with slowthai and SlavesFatoumata Diawara; and Peter Hook and Georgia. It’s the latter song that hints at where Gorillaz are right now – the track is called “Aries”, a name that chimes with guitarist Noodle’s interest in astrology and the cosmos.

To mark the start of May – a month that will see Venus in retrograde and the only full moon in Scorpio this year – Noodle put together this monthly horoscope. Read yours below.


Noodle: You are shy. Meek. Afraid of the killer lemons in the store for the germs they may carry. You must be strong now. Be a samurai to the lemon, and to your fear! Your cupboards are full of too many things that are not necessary. But fear blows wind into your sails, so: Iku! Iku! Iku!!!!!


Noodle: You are very bullheaded and wilful, you never settle for less, and you know exactly what you want. But now is maybe the time which you do have to settle for second best. Or even third! Or possibly fourth or fifth. Taurus the bull is also Taurus the constellation. Life is a long journey with a heavy bag on its back.


Noodle: Gemini, this month belongs to you! Born under the sign of Mercury, so young at heart and easy with many people, you will always be popular. But wait – it’s the time of Covid. You will be indoors spending all your time eating the best of everything. But remember that even sea bream is not delicious when eaten alone, so maybe join an online yoga class. 


Noodle: The moon is your lodestar and you have the gift of imagination. You will need it very much in the weeks to come. Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare. Go somewhere new in your head. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Ki wo tsukete! (Take care!)


Noodle: As everyone knows, Leo is the Lion – sharp of claw, acid of wit, with a personality which even a heart of stone cannot resist. But! No one needs to see you shake your mane live on Instagram five times a day. Especially if less than 50 people are watching. Sometimes, dear Leo, less is definitely more.


Noodle: Virgo. Perfectionists by nature, masters of organised chaos. Like a Spandex bodysuit – unnecessary, exhausting, buttock-clenching, leaving nothing to chance. But perfectionism is a dangerous state of mind in a world that is isolated… Mattari and wabi-sabi.


Noodle: You are so softly spoken and taciturn by nature, and make thoughtful, measured choices. In other words, you are the right person in a crisis such as this – not someone seeking out House Party every five minutes, but who will quietly hit mute on Zoom when forced into the hundredth pub quiz. Maintain your balance, it is needed.


Noodle: Romance is there, hanging in the future, Scorpio. But I also see deception… revenge…. singing… Oh, sorry, I fell into a light coma to the soundtrack of Tiger King and was singing Exotic songs half awake. Where was I? Back to Scorpios – you are not an island. You are all hostile, fierce, and speak your minds. Maybe a global pandemic can soften your rigid stance though. No one to sting right now.


Noodle: Sagittarians! Know that now is not a time to be indecisive. An array of choices always seems to stump you, but in these (wait for it) unprecedented times you need to be quick and determined. Fall seven times, stand up eight. Or – maybe get both? In every colour? Maybe two of each if there’s an offer on? Why not!


Noodle: Aquarians, I shed tears for you. It’s true. Yes, you are adventurers at heart, so lockdown must hurt you like a tantō to the head. But remember, you are also experimental, so venture outside of your box. Try on new skin, cut your own hair, change its colour. Do something, OK?!


Noodle: Use this time in quarantine wisely, my Pisceans. You are shy, lacking in confidence and with your head constantly in the clouds, but now is the time to use it to your advantage. What better way to while away the hours than dreaming, writing, painting, and creating? Your mind is a treasure-trove that others would sell toilet roll for.


Noodle: The goat. You have a head for business, Capricorn, and you are hard-working and loyal. You do not need this at home. The goat eats the letter before reading it and then wonders what the writer wanted. Nani-tte nan’na no. Be careful. Bide your time. There are many mountains to come in the future where your skill will be needed.