Gavin Russom, the synth musician and percussionist in LCD Soundsystem, has come out as transgender. In a very open interview with Grindr, Russom has spoken about what it took to get to this point. “This is my fifth decade being alive,” she said, “and in each of those decades, there’s been a time where I’ve tried to say, ‘Hey, I think I’m transgender!’ This was even before that word existed.”

Russom, 43, played in The Crystal Ark and Black Leotard Front, before officially joining LCD Soundsystem in 2010, during the recording of This Is Happening. Though LCD disbanded in 2011, the group announced last year that they would be reuniting for a new album and tour. American Dream is coming in September, but it’s been more than just a musical journey for Russom.

“It gives me hope for the future to see the courage and creativity of a much younger generation of trans women” – Gavin Russom

“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but I have my good days and my bad days,” she said. “On my bad days, it really sucks and I wait until I get home to go to the bathroom – which is such a basic thing.” Of her decision to live as a woman, she said she had no choice, “My body rejected it in the same way that it now utterly rejects going into a men’s bathroom or when somebody calls me ‘sir.’”

Having always seen herself somewhere along the “feminine spectrum” growing up, she didn’t fully understand that gender wasn’t a simple either-or situation. It was going out clubbing that helped her to realize that. “It gives me hope for the future to see the courage and creativity of a much younger generation of trans women,” Russom said. “Clubs are where I’ve encountered a lot of that.”

Now, Russom understands how much influence she holds as a member of LCD Soundsystem and is encouraging fans – anyone – to embrace their true identity. “For anybody who is struggling with their gender identity or who wants to come out and is afraid to,” Russom said, “what would be better than giving someone permission to do that through my performance? That’s the ultimate. It’s what other people gave to me, so I’d love to pass that along to other people, too.”

American Dream comes out in September