FyreFest really is the gift that keeps on giving. The music festival – which billed itself as the luxury “cultural experience of the decade” – has already managed to secure its place in history as one of the most disastrous events of all time. After roping in major Insta-influencers for its promotion, and making attendees spend up to $12,000 for tickets, the festival fell apart on its very first day; greeting guests with grey food, feral dogs, rubbish heaps, and a remote island with “rampant shark problems.” 

The lack of organisation sparked a social media storm, with furious attendees now reportedly filing up to $100 million worth of class action lawsuits against the organisers. But perhaps this pandemonium could have been avoided if investors had paid more attention to the original pitch? Maybe not. Thanks to Vanity Fair, the Internet now has access to the full 43-page deck which started the whole thing off.  And truly, it’s beyond parody. 

Packed with meaningless buzzwords and slogans, the pitch deck hypes up Fyre – an intangible company apparently led by “Fyre Starters” and a “Fyre Squad”, including @fuckjerry, an Insta-man who makes a living out of stolen memes. It bills the Bahamas-set festival as an “unparalleled” event that will exceed “all expectations”. It’s fitting that this festival only started after the organisers crashed a plane there.

“Fyre Festival will feature music from the greatest talents in the world, immersive experiences through art, theatre, and a weekend long treasure hunt,” the organisers boast in one slide. “Fyre will be defined by its ability to connect: the ultimate in a tasteful experience.” Check out the full deck here, or see some of the most bizarre below:

Here’s Fyre attempting to explain to investors more about what it does. According to this, the company is an “entertainment marketplace” that ultimately aims to “remove the friction to securing talent”. Because, as we all know, friction can be annoying! Especially when you’re trying to secure talent! The slide then goes on to clarify more about what this actually means, without really saying anything at all. What is Fyre, then? A talent agency? Festival organisation? A premiere, high-end, all-media entertainment conglomerate? No one’s sure!

I guess you did sort of do that. 

Now the deck goes into a little more detail about the festival – which, apparently, was meant to “IGNITE” some type of “ENERGY” and “POWER” into its guests. What kind of energy, you ask? No one knows! Because this means nothing. Also, is that woman holding an emergency flare? Aren’t they used when people are stranded on islands, starving, and trying to attract help? Yes, they are.

“Think Coachella x1000 and you’re still not even close”.

All this dreamy talk about energy and friction is fine, but what about some strategy? How is Fyre planning to put together the “cultural experience of the decade”? Fortunately, we’re blessed here with some insight. Ideate, conceptualise and execute. A solid three-step plan, that definitely makes sense, and can be used in almost any situation. Can’t wait to ideate the festival!

A beautiful quote to end on here, from Rumi – one of the finest poets of the 13th century and a natural choice for this abstract, Instagram-focused entertainment conglomerate. It’s a shame that it’s a misquote (it’s “fan” your flames, guys) and therefore makes no sense. Sad :(