One of my first outings of 2026 was to see Marty Supreme. The press tour had done its job capturing my interest, but I knew next to nothing about the film itself. It could have been two hours of Timothée Chalamet and Susan Boyle playing table tennis while Gwyneth Paltrow vogued around the table and I wouldn’t have been that surprised. In the end, it turned out to be a fever dream of obsession and toxic ambition as a single-minded ping pong genius called Marty zipped around New York getting into ridiculous scrapes and refusing to give up on his dreams of winning the World Championship. I won’t give too much away, but there’s also a woman in his life, and though she does seem to matter to him, nothing compares to ping pong. 

I’ve met a few Marty types in my life: people whose devotion to their dream was so absolute that they would vanish for stretches of time, cancel at the last minute when an opportunity or lead came in, and forget to eat, sleep or text back for days. It’s a trait that can be exciting to a partner for a while, but more often than not, you eventually get fed up with being second place. You move on. They keep hustling. 

But what if you’re a dreamer and a lover? What if it’s a part of your ambition to get to share it? Despite my misgivings, I think it’s entirely possible to be striving towards something while also actively dating or showing up for a partner. ‘Sacrifice’ gets bandied about a lot in conversations about success, but giving every single waking hour to one goal makes you (in my honest opinion) a dull prick and a broken record. I know a lot of people who admire ambition and drive, but I don’t know anyone who wants to date someone who ultimately sees them as a distraction from what’s actually important. If that’s you, then I truly wish you the best of luck in all your endeavours — but delete the apps and spare everyone else the headache.

If you’re a passionate person who understands that worthwhile things are rarely easy, and knows how to persevere even when times are tough, you already know how to have a long-term relationship

If you’re keen to date while chasing your dreams, then it’s time for you to assess how ambition and work shape your life and how a potential partner might fit into that. A good relationship requires effort, patience, affection, support, communication and trust. Not things that can easily fit into an IOU or a quick text between meetings. Time is the thing that makes all of the above work, so figure out where that can be freed up, and be very honest with potential partners what is and isn’t on the table. If your dream keeps you busy most weekends, then you probably shouldn’t be starting new relationships with shared fantasies of raucous Friday nights, slow Saturdays and Sundays spent shagging and going to artisan bakeries. Nobody wants to be misled. 

Modern dating is often a numbers game, with time needed for scrolling on the apps, making conversation with multiple people and then meeting IRL for dates. Streamline this by mentioning your goals on your profile — although for the love of God, do NOT make it all about that. It’s great to be passionate. It’s understandable if your goals are the most interesting thing to you, if they’re your fuel, fire and the reason you wake up. But honestly, nobody else cares — at least not in the early stages of dating. Sell yourself to others accurately, but showcase other parts of your personality and character too.

There are ways to remain focused while also keeping promises to both yourself and the person you’re dating. This begins at the source: not overcommitting in the first place so you don’t have to let the other person down. Instead, let people know what it’s like to date you and in time, find a way to include your partner in the thing that you’re hustling for. You can also try only dating people who are similarly wired and equally devoted to their goals, but you can’t be surprised if they’re sometimes guilty of the same single-mindedness. 

Another way to look at this: if you’re a passionate person who understands that worthwhile things are rarely easy, and knows how to persevere even when times are tough, you already know how to have a long-term relationship. Make use of those great, attractive features of your personality — they’re not only for academic, creative or financial success. 

My partner now is extremely hardworking and ambitious. The difference between him and the other hardworking and ambitious people I’ve dated is that he actually puts as much effort into our relationship as he does into his work. If an opportunity comes up for one of us at the last minute or creeps into our plans, then we discuss it, come up with a plan and make up for lost time later. We’re on the same page, understanding why the other wants what they want, being invested in doing what we can to help, and knowing it won’t be at the detriment of us remaining an us.