The so-called ‘sex recession’ is, by now, something most of us are more than used to hearing about. In fact, according to studies conducted over the past couple of decades, young people are having less sex than previous generations – and perhaps less than ever before. Researchers like Carter Sherman – a journalist whose latest book examines the decline in sex amongst younger generations – have attributed this trend to everything from isolation (social media taking the place of real life connections, increased phone time in bed), anxieties about getting pregnant in an increasingly conservative cultural landscape (think: the ‘post-Roe’ era in the US), hectic work schedules, and a general disinterest in the act, with many choosing to ‘de-centre’ sex.

Whatever the reason, sex is on the decline. But some of us are trying to reignite the spark by sex scheduling, which experts reckon may have the potential to increase libido and improve sexual habits within relationships. In fact, a recent study by sexual pleasure and wellness brand LELO found that 41 per cent of couples schedule sex multiple times a week to make sure they aren’t missing out. The number is even higher in younger respondents, too: 46 per cent of those aged 18 to 24 say they plan sex regularly. This clearly speaks to the notion that the way we have sex is evolving, in line with our changing lifestyles, mindsets and sexual appetites.

So, how can sex scheduling be used to ‘combat’ a dry spell? 28-year-old Anna* tells me that she and her husband – who have been together for nine years – started scheduling sex two years in, and did so by using a whiteboard. “It wasn’t like, ‘it’s Tuesday, therefore we must have sex.’ Instead, we’d write down a goal level of intimacy for the week, and then tick it off once met.” Sometimes the pair don’t even end up having sex, but she notes that “just scheduling time for us as a couple to be intimate really helps.” 

It helps busy partners stay connected when life’s obligations threaten to crowd intimacy out

The couple began this to ensure they were making enough time for one another, particularly in the midst of busy schedules and other contributing factors. Anna explains that she feels a lot of pressure to be ‘on’ at all times, and that organising this time allows her and her partner to prioritise being together without distractions like emails or social media. “Scheduled sex time is no-phone time,” she notes. As Anna is Muslim, she also adds that it’s helpful for them to plan sex in the run-up to Ramadan. “I like to abstain from sex for a month during Ramadan. In this case, we schedule lots of sex for the week before it begins.” 

26-year-old Becky* says that planning sex has allowed her to organise her polyamorous relationships more effectively and dedicate adequate time to each partnership. While she was in two relationships in 2024, there was plenty of ‘scheduling’ involved. “We were all trying to fit quality time with each other in without interfering with our regular life and commitments,” she recalls. “This meant that while we may not have explicitly said we were going to have sex on a specific day, it was heavily implied that this would be happening at a specific time or in a specific circumstance.” She found it helped keep the spark alive in both relationships, with the anticipation of an upcoming ‘sex date’ contributing to increased desire and becoming a way to “spice things up.”

Sex therapists agree that – particularly in the era of intense work schedules and scrolling in bed – scheduling can be a beneficial practice for each party. “It helps busy partners stay connected when life’s obligations threaten to crowd intimacy out,” says certified sex therapist Dr Vivianna Coles, who adds that it can undoubtedly lead to sex feeling more exciting again. “It allows couples to look forward to intimacy the same way they look forward to a trip or a night out.” Dr Coles – who often sees clients who have ‘mismatched desire’ levels – also believes it can be a great way to find a middle ground and reset, as “scheduling creates a compromise that reassures both partners their needs matter.” She sees it as a natural way to adapt to how we live today, particularly for emerging generations: scheduling sex suits our current “recalibration of how intimacy fits into modern life.” 

On the flip side, planning ahead of time may not work for everyone – and could cause anxiety in some scenarios. 27-year-old Rina* and has been with her partner for several years. “I fear that sex will become a chore if I have it on a ‘to-do’ list that I’d have to check off however many times a week,” she tells me. 33-year-old Tom*, meanwhile, explains that he struggles with “performance issues” and that scheduling has, in the past, only made things worse. 

Anna Richards, founder of and producer at ethical erotica brand FrolicMe, also believes there are limitations on the ‘problems’ sex scheduling can combat – particularly in the context of our cultural sex recession, which she says is an issue that needs to be tackled at the root. “It is better resolved through increased emotional availability, intimacy, and communication, particularly on the part of young men,” she shares. There’s also the obvious caveat that while sex scheduling can certainly be useful for couples, it’s often not a viable option for singles. Relatedly, many young women are justifiably afraid to engage in casual sex and find themselves in potentially uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

It’s therefore best to view scheduling as one tool in an arsenal of weaponry that can revive a happy, thriving sex life for those in specific setups – and learning how to healthily approach the subject with a current or potential partner can contribute to its success. Kate Moyle, psychosexual therapist and LELO’s resident sex expert, says that timing is everything. “Start the conversation at a time when you aren’t about to have or haven’t just had sex. Approaching the topic in a non-sexual context will help it to feel less pressured or expecting.” She recommends using an article, Instagram post or podcast episode about the topic as a prompt to start the conversation. 

She also highlights the value of listening as much as you speak, being open minded, and of course, ensuring you are both comfortable and consenting at all times. Remember too, that it can look however you want it to. “Scheduling is not being super specific or rigid about what you do during the time – it’s about creating opportunities for intimacy, not working through a checklist,” says Moyle. Likewise, you don’t have to put it in like a meeting (eg “let’s have sex at 7pm on Friday night”). Simply setting some time aside when you know you both have time and space will suffice. What happens during that time can still be unexpected and spontaneous.

“The way to prevent it from feeling like a chore is by keeping it flexible and playful. Think of it like a date: you plan the time, but the vibe can shift depending on how you’re both feeling,” adds Dr Coles. “The key is to frame it as an invitation, not a demand. Try: ‘I miss feeling close to you – what if we set aside some time just for us this week?’ Emphasise connection and exploration rather than obligation.” Sex is, after all, designed to be fun – even if you’ve scheduled your way there.