The first time we’re introduced to trio of friends Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan), Kate (Leslie Bibb) and Laurie (Carrie Coon) on the third season of The White Lotus, they’re in high spirits. Sauntering off the boat which ferried them to the luxury Thai hotel, famous actress Jaclyn chats to hotel co-owner Sritala about how excited she is to finally catch up with her gal pals. “We have been friends since forever,” she gushes. “We’ve been missing each other.” 

But it doesn’t take long for cracks in their friendship to show. That evening, the three unwind in their suite over a bottle of white wine. While Jaclyn and Kate assure each other that they’re “winning life” with their husbands, riches, and status, Laurie – newly divorced and still attempting to scramble to the top of the greasy pole at a New York law firm – necks her wine in silence. When Jaclyn finally turns her attention to Laurie, her words seem barbed. “And Laurie… everything you do is just so hard [...] That corporate world is so tough,” she says, smiling. “And your daughter seems like she is turning into a really cool girl,” adds Kate. 

You can plainly see the anger bubble up behind Laurie’s eyes. “Yeah? Thanks,” she says, a defensive edge in her voice. She then excuses herself – making sure to take the remainder of the wine with her – and retreats to her bedroom where she watches Jaclyn and Kate continue talking in her absence. Isolated and overwhelmed with resentment, she lets out a wail.

The dynamic between Laurie, Jaclyn, and Kate has been a red-hot talking point this season of The White Lotus. Some viewers – particularly women – have reported feeling “triggered” by its gut-punchingly realistic depiction of a trio of female friends. “Seeing the trio on The White Lotus has been super confronting,” says 28-year-old Fleurine. “They captured the snide and cruel behaviour so perfectly.” She adds that she felt particularly moved by the scene where Laurie cries alone in her room. “I felt that down to my gut. I’ve been that person howling with tears in my room.”

Emily, 26, has been in similar situations. “I’ve been in a few different friendship ‘trios’, but the most significant was when I was at university and lived with two girls who were best friends with each other before I moved in,” she recalls. “I considered them both two of my best friends, but there were a lot of points where it felt evident that they were closer to each other than they were to me. They seemed to have more inside jokes that I didn’t really know how to be a part of. There were times where we’d hang out as a three and it felt like they’d have preferred it to just be the two of them.”

Evidently, it’s pretty common to experience friction in a three-way friendship. “There are definitely complexities that can arise in a friendship group of three people,” says author and therapist Eloise Skinner. “It could be the case that the connection between one person and another is stronger, leaving a third person isolated, disconnected or excluded. It’s harder to find a genuine sense of alignment and connection between three people than it is for two people.”

Seeing the trio on The White Lotus has been super confronting

But dynamics in a trio are liable to shift at the drop of a hat. While in The White Lotus Laurie is the ‘third wheel friend’ in episode one, in the next, Kate and Laurie seize the chance to gossip about Jaclyn after she has an early night. It doesn’t take long for Kate to share her view that Jaclyn is overly competitive, narcissistic and vain. “Did she sandblast her face or something? It’s very waxy,” she asks. Laurie goes on to question whether Jaclyn’s relationship with her new (and much younger) husband is genuine; Kate then tries to claw back a bit of dignity and pretend as if their gossiping actually stems from a place of care. “I think she’s lonely,” she sighs.

Kate isn’t immune to her friends’ catty tendencies either. In one memorable scene, Jaclyn and Laurie grill her on her politics after asking if she finds it discomfiting to be around “Bible-thumpers” and “a bunch of Texans who voted for Trump” back in Austin. “They’re nice people. Really good families,” Kate, on the defensive, insists. Laurie shoots a number of alarmed looks across the table to Jaclyn. “Wait… are you a Republican?” she eventually asks. Kate squirms, shoots Laurie a pinched smile, and implores them to stop talking about Trump. Later, when they’re alone, Jaclyn and Laurie question Kate’s sanity.

The way the show resists easy, simplistic narratives about female friendship is precisely what makes it so compelling. It faithfully portrays a number of thorny, seldom spoken-about facets of friendship: the way power can ping-pong around; the childlike panic at the thought of being left behind; the irresistible temptation to judge and dissect the others’ life choices; the razor-fine line between loving and hating.

“Due to the complexities of human relationships, dynamics can frequently shift and reformulate,” says Skinner. 21-year-old Felicity* has experienced this firsthand. “Naturally, with friendships that are close, you get annoyed with one another. Sometimes for very silly reasons, sometimes [for valid reasons],” she says, reflecting on her own experiences as one of a group of three. “We would definitely gossip and talk about each other all the time. The dynamic would constantly change.”  She concedes that she has “definitely been guilty of gossiping sometimes”. 

Zuza, 23, says she “immediately resonated with the dynamic” of the White Lotus trio. “I’ve experienced it so many times in my life.” She explains that she was part of a particularly fraught friendship trio while at school. “Every few weeks one of us would fall out with the others and and the other two would get closer,” she recalls. “Or if one of us missed a day of school or a trip, we’d act like she had missed out on years of stuff that happened. We’d point it out to play up to their FOMO.”

Clearly, trio friendships are often tricky – but can they ever work? “I think it really depends on the individuals – on the nature of the friendship, the length and quality of the relationship, the lifestyle habits and environment of each person, and their overall values and intentions for the friendship,” says Skinner. Ultimately, she argues, if there’s a genuine desire from all parties to keep the friendship going, there’s no reason why small spats can’t be overcome. “I’d say it's unlikely for a long-term relationship of any kind to be entirely frictionless. But they certainly don't have to involve exclusion or mistrust.”

*Name has been changed