Taken from the summer 2024 issue of Dazed. You can buy a copy of our latest issue here.

Dating has become an Olympic sport of fuckery – about as painstaking as a pentathlon (I imagine), with about as much grandeur and prestige as the shot put (sorry, guys). Online dating, specifically, has brought a whole new meaning to ‘race against the clock’, and its immediacy has led many into an era of streamlining and dating optimisation, where max-efficiency trumps all. With data from leading players in the online dating market, we explore all the competitive clans on the apps. A need for speed runs through each, with different tactics and goals along the way. Welcome to ‘the trenches’, as they say.

THE TIME WASTERS

From ten-minute micro-dates to co-working coffees, these people are sprinting through the dating experience. They screen dates scrupulously, sidelining spontaneity in favour of multitasking, like going on dates during the workday (as 32 per cent of Tinder users admit to) or using dates as pre-drinks for friend events. Time-wasting is the ultimate sin. Jenny, 29, is a veteran of the functional hour-long date. “I make it clear it’s all I have time for, and sometimes pretend I have plans to get to after,” says the London-based sustainability manager. “This way, if we don’t want to see each other again, which is likely, then it's not a big deal.“ Jenny uses many even more brutal tactics for those that don’t tickle her fancy, too, such as running away from dates as soon as she spots them and fleeing as they queue for their first drink after they’ve said their hellos. 

Jenny would never date on a precious weekend evening in the sussing-out stage, oh no. But many other time-pressed young people on TikTok go all in on that, by inviting multiple matches to the same club or event. It sounds complicated to me, but it makes comparison easier, I guess? Unlimited birds with one stone, and all that. If dating with friends is your thing, though, the double first date is surely more likely to cultivate your best performance. Setting up a joint profile might get you banned on most apps, but Fourplay is the new one built around this. After all, is having a laugh with your bezzie ever time wasted?

THE PREPPERS

These are the people taking screening dates to the next level – by doing it before actually meeting them. Taking streamlining to the extreme, this cutthroat clique’s prep starts at demanding voice notes and goes as far as sending out job-like applications. You just know they have a dealbreaker ick list, one-strike and you’re gone.

Enter, Christine Gwaze. At 22, she sent out a ‘Don’t Waste My Time Application’ to carefully curated matches with ten questions, ranging from “Are you capable of communicating honestly and openly?” to a sliding scale for dick size. Yep, really. She specified things like “the candidate must be non-discriminatory” and those who drive and/or have their own place are preferred. “I was tired of the same cycle of guys being all talk and no action,” says the now 26-year-old. “I wanted someone on my wavelength, and to not have to read minds.” Some guys took it well – others didn’t. One thought that it was a scam (fair enough), and the people who didn’t take it seriously just made the culling easier. “I knew the survey would scare off people who weren’t feeling me enough, but that’s the whole point,” she adds. She
even ended up finding a partner through this process – every successful sportsman knows it’s in all the prep.

THE PART-TIMERS / COMPARTMENTALISERS 

Back when I was dating, I could only bring myself to engage with the app between the hours of 10pm and 12am. There were a few times I was berated for replying over a year after someone’s first message. Obviously, I was hugely unsuccessful. According to Tinder, 77 per cent of users reply to messages within 30 minutes, 40 per cent within five minutes and over a third reply immediately. Hinge data supports this, showing a 44 per cent higher chance of receiving responses when messages are answered within 24 hours. 

But what if you don’t want dating to take over your life and sap your fragile soul dry? Apps like Thursday, where you can only match and chat once a week, prove it is possible to be a more successful part-timer than me. For London-based Matt*, 29, it’s the only app he’s managed to keep up with. “I’m a chilled guy, some would say too chilled,” he says. “I’m an awful texter, so cutting out the days-long preamble has been a lifesaver – I still get in trouble once we swap numbers, though.” Whether you’re ~protecting your energy~ or just can’t be arsed, the part-time crew are marathoners leading the slow and steady long game. 

THE MONEY SAVERS

Many of us feel like our bank accounts are being ripped a new one when dating, but there are certain savvy daters not letting meet-ups dictate weeks of beans-on-toast dinners. This can be as innocent as daytime dates without drinking, AKA the ‘daylight savings trend’, and using oddly timed happy hours to get more bang (not literally) for your buck. 

Josh*, 26, from Manchester, estimates he’s saved with discounted cinema tickets. “I’m sure it was a turn-off for some,” he says, but his girlfriend of two years took it in her stride – they’ve even extended this miserly approach into their relationship. “We’ve even been on Groupon mystery holiday packages and got two nights in Milan for £99 each.”

More frugal still is the concept of the ‘foodie call’ (as in ‘booty call’), coined after a 2019 study found nearly 25% of heterosexual women have gone on a date with a guy they weren’t interested in, just for a free meal. We’ve all seen viral stories of this ilk – like the woman who went on six dates a week for two years so she didn’t have to buy groceries – but most are clickbait. New app DineMe lets you test this method out awkwardness-free, though, given its entire premise is deciding who pays for the bill ahead of the date. Think what you will, but “nothing tastes as good as free food feels” (Becky Burgum, 2024). As Hallie, 25, puts it: “If there’s a chance to get wined and dined, in this economy I'mma take it." 

“If there’s a chance to get wined and dined, in this economy I’mma take it” Hallie

THE MONEY MAKERS

Dialling up a notch, these are the people literally profiting off dates – the cohort willing to win a tangible prize at all costs. This ranges from the sugar-daddy realm of Meete – yet another hyper-specific dating app, where women are paid to talk to men – to the actual criminal activity of, um, stealing from your date. Remember the Tabi Swiper? This New Yorker stole his date’s Margiela boots the morning after and was hunted down on the internet, West Elm Caleb-style. A cruel, high-risk strategy? Yes. But am I the only one who’ll admit to wishing I’d taken something from a terrible one-night stand? I’ve often thought a free something would at least soften the occasional trauma – but I guess that’s what scuttling on the tube at Oxford Street in a bodycon dress and heels in broad daylight will do to you.

New York-based journalist Mimi* wins gold in this round, though, for once accepting $1,000 to go to dinner – “strictly dinner!” – with a guy from Twitter. “I vetted him a bit, and figured if he’s the type of guy to offer up this much cash to eat steak with me, he’s got to be interesting enough for a potential story,” says the 27-year-old. “He was definitely a character, and I’d absolutely take $1,000 to go out with him again.” Yes, I’m in ‘carpe diem’ awe, too.

DATING FOR CONTENT

In an intensely satisfying segue, next up are those dating for #content, whether aiming to go viral or simply looking for article ammunition. Now, I’ve genuinely spent my life post-16 living under an ‘anything for a story’ motto, putting myself into absurd, near unrepeatable situations for the memoir, but sadly that’s never extended to something as classy as dates. The Times writer Hannah Skelley, however, admits to agreeing to a blind date on the expectation that, at worst, she would get a good feature out of it. “I was terrified, but hoped it’d be a weird enough encounter to create some interesting content,” says the 28-year-old. “Annoyingly, he turned out to be a very average yet lovely guy.”

There are also the young women on TikTok finding cachet (and, sure, comfort) by turning dating mishaps into viral videos, with some creators leveraging it into sizable followings and sponsorships. Plus, that recent trend of women sharing their dating history via job titles on Twitter for clout. But hey, not all women, OK? I’ve seen guys sharing savage screenshots from Grindr for likes, too – ‘anything for the plot’ daters transcend gender.

SOBER-ISH DATES 

Welcome to the peak performers. With an enviably (obnoxiously?) healthy mindset and their eyes firmly on the prize, these daters mean serious business. My social anxiety could never, but we’re seeing an undeniable death of drinking on the first date across the board. According to a 2023 survey by dating app Flirtini, 50 per cent of women and 28 per cent of men never drink alcohol on the first date. Plus, Hinge reveals that a whopping 75 per cent of global singles say drinks are no longer the preferred first-date activity. 

The concept certainly means less distractions clouding your judgment, but coffee-screener Jenny says it’s more personal than that. “It’s more about self-preservation,” she explains. “I’m done wasting money, time, good sleep and, I guess, my health on people I mostly never see again.” One of her tactics is turning up first to order a soft drink, so she’s one alcoholic drink behind when they get their first. Most people don’t ask what she’s drinking, but for anyone who does, she pretends it’s vodka for their sake. “I’d never impose my choice on them, but if they made mine a problem, then it suggests they feel insecure or anxious, and are projecting. It’s unintentionally become quite a useful way of understanding someone.” 

The sober dater has many camps, too, including those with commendable self-worth, those aiming for that, and the occasional person who just wants to sound interesting. Jenny has lost count of the number of 30-something lost souls who announce dramatically they aren’t drinking. Really, though, it’s becoming so common-place that, on Tinder, wine and beer emojis have decreased on profiles by 40 per cent and 25 per cent respectively, from 2022 to 2023. 

The movement shows no signs of slowing, either: Hinge reports that Gen Z daters don’t feel the same pressure millennial daters do to drink, with millennials 50 per cent more likely to have alcohol on a date when they’d rather not. Jenny notices her dates visibly relax when she tells them she’s not drinking on one of the more sensible nights, like Mondays, almost like they’re glad she gives them permission not to drink. 

THE AI INAUTHENTICS

A form of cheating or a cheeky life hack? The great AI debate has officially wheedled its way into dating. In a bid to artificially enhance a flying start, people are using apps like YourMove AI, DatingAI and Rizz to generate profiles, prompts and replies by scanning uploaded dating profiles and messages. Seems far-fetched? Well, one in four Americans currently do it, according to a study from this year by McAfee.

Driven by dating fatigue, Miami-based Artem, 35, has been using Rizz for six months. He believes it’s no worse than getting help from mates in the group chat. “I can’t lean on them to help me workshop a witty response all the time, so Rizz has kind of replaced that for me,” says the accountant. He always edits the app’s suggestions, but it helps him to be more creative with those clever one-liners. 

“Meeting on the internet has become our default. AI is just the next frontier” – Artem

“Isn’t it super in-authentic?” I hear you say. Well, “Isn’t online dating generally, especially in the talking stage?” is Artem’s rebuttal. “I was in high school before dating apps, when people meeting on the internet was a huge stigma. The internet, and meeting on it, has become our default. AI is just the next frontier.” 

Anyway, is AI assistance much different from the leg-up premium app members get? Hinge payers grew by 33% in 2023, enjoying benefits like specially ordered matches based on who is near, active or most compatible. In fact, according to Tinder, over a third of daters say they would use AI to help build their profiles and most 18-25-year-olds believe AI can work well, especially for the first prompt. Cheats never prosper, but maybe AI is the performance enhancer we might just get away with?

THE GAMERS

The gamification of dating apps is well known, and those coming out on top are the serial daters fully addicted to the swipe and the ego-boost each buzz of a match brings. In a league of their own, they’ve long lost their way from a quest for love, instead turning the process into a sport unto itself.

Leeds-based Jack*, 27, is one such fella. “When I first moved to the city, I remember thinking I just needed to chat to as many girls as possible,” says the tech recruiter. “I was across three different apps trying to get anybody to come on a date.”

Now he’s only on Hinge, but he and his flatmate labour over prompts and photos on an almost daily basis, “because there really is a formula”. The competition between them both is out of control. “We show off matching someone hot almost like, ‘Look at this Top Trump card I got, she definitely beats yours!’” Jack says, sheepishly. They treat the idea of going on multiple dates in a week as an unspoken challenge – the more ‘bases’ hit the better – and the competition isn’t just with each other. “We kept joking about this terrible uni saying which was, ‘If you don’t have sex for a month, you become a virgin again,’” he says. “But we’ve accidentally started to self-enforce it.”

Jack knows his approach is tied in with pretty low self-worth, but that doesn’t stop him from spending a third of his phone screen time on Hinge, AKA a full hour a day. This, however, is small fish compared to apps’ top messengers. Data from kink-positive app Feeld shows one champion user sends more than 2,800 messages a day, while two others have daily averages of over 2,000 – compared with the majority average of 50. Now that’s a burnout waiting to happen.

*Names changed for privacy reasons