Countess Luann de Lesseps arrives on our Zoom call looking like she’s spent the morning with a glam squad. Her hair is big, as if she’s just had a salon-level blowout, while her face is impeccably made up. She leans forward towards the camera. “Look at these fabulous earrings,” she says, showing off dangling dollar signs hanging from her ears. The phone she’s using for the interview keeps falling over, to which she says: “It’s falling over in pure joy.”

It’s the sort of chaotic but fabulous introduction that one would want from an interaction with Countess Luann. As one of the original castmates of The Real Housewives of New York City (RHONY), she became a firm fan favourite with her appreciation of social etiquette (she wrote a book about it), her veracious appetite for men, her affinity for partying, her witty insults and the same campness usually reserved for your local drag show. Her trajectory on the show wasn’t always smooth-sailing, but for every low – like finding out her fiancé had cheated on her (“How could you do this to me. Question mark”) and getting arrested in Palm Beach – there was an almighty high – like cavorting with a sexy pirate in St Barts or the time she dragged her fellow castmates “Herman Munster shoes” (they were Louis Vuitton, to which Luann said: “Well, even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes”).

During her RHONY tenure, we also saw the Countess embark on her music career. While not necessarily the next Whitney Houston, the Countess did bring a certain je ne sais quoi to her music: songs like “Chic C’est La Vie”, “Feelin’ Jovani” and, of course, “Money Can’t Buy You Class” are ridiculous, yes, but catchy as hell. They also helped the Countess launch her successful cabaret show, which has been touring the US since 2018 and has played everywhere from 54 Below in New York to the Chicago Theatre.

Now, though, she is finally bringing her cabaret show to the UK. Alongside the likes of Nelly Furtado, and divas like Jessie Ware and Kim Petras, Countess Luann will be performing at the queer music festival Mighty Hoopla. “London has been pining to see my show for a long time,” Luann says. “I'm counting on it to be wild and fun.”

To celebrate such a momentous moment for girls, gays and theys who enjoy reality television, Luann gave Dazed some lessons about etiquette, elegance, fashion, class, and why accessing the quantum realm is so chic right now.

Hi Countess Luann. Music festivals can be quite feral. How do you plan to bring a sense of elegance, flair and savoir-faire to proceedings? 

Countess Luann: [sings] Chic c’est la vie,  c’est bonne c’est bonne [laughs]. As soon as I get into ‘Chic...’ they will calm right down. And listen, I do costume changes. I feel like as soon as I start with ‘Chic...’ or ‘Money Can’t Buy You Class’ or ‘Girl Code’, there’s a certain respect that, hopefully, people will connect to. I’m certainly there to bring the elegance and flair and savoir-faire. I think by spreading this vibe, it will permeate the crowd. 

You’re known for writing a book on etiquette Class with the Countess. How do you think a festivalgoer can approach the concept of etiquette?

Countess Luann: Now listen, etiquette really starts with how we treat other people. I always talk about how when I first went to Europe and I married a French aristocrat, one of the things I noticed was that, no matter who you are, they just know how to treat people. They are used to meeting lots of people and people from all over the world. So I feel like making people comfortable and making them feel seen is really the first step in terms of etiquette, really.

There are obviously thousands of people at a festival. How do you think you ensure you bring, as you write in your book, ‘an unforgettable presence’? 

Countess Luann:  I think having an unforgettable presence is about how you carry yourself, how you walk into a room, and how you present yourself to the world. I think people know me by now. I’m from a small town. And, sure, my life has changed since then, but I really am down to earth. I have a big heart. I think people feel that I’m just going to bring my best game. I’m going to walk onto that stage like I own it, the audience are going to follow me, and they are going to have a great ride.

You famously once sang that ‘elegance is learned’. How exactly do you think people can learn elegance? 

Countess Luann: When I first went to Europe, I went to Milan from New York and just the way people dressed and the way they sipped their coffee... there was just such an elegance in the lifestyle that I fell in love with. I would go to dinner parties with 20 people and there was so much cutlery and china on the table. I would watch the hostess to see which fork I should pick up first. I learned as I went along. I think it’s important to have mentors. When I talk about elegance being learned, it’s saying learn to be welcoming, learn to give attention to people and not look the other way when someone is talking to you because there might be somebody else that might be more important in the room. You have to learn how to carry yourself, how to navigate a dinner table, how to navigate a conversation and learn how to read a room. All those things are very important when it comes to living with elegance and flair and savoir-faire.

In your book, you write that something is chic when it has a sense of ‘proportion, discrimination, simplicity, and restraint’. What are some things that you feel are super chic right now? 

Countess Luann: I just came back from a Joe Dispenza retreat. He’s a spiritual leader and I actually experienced my heart opening. I experienced the quantum universe. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like chic today is being connected with who you really are and living your truth. I feel like people can be so disconnected because of social media and everyone having their faces buried in their cellphones. What I think is chic today is being able to put down your phone and give people your undivided attention. Be engaged and put a smile on your face.

How did you tap into the quantum universe?

Countess Luann: I’ll tell you this: we have the pineal gland, which is at the base of your spinal column in the back of your head, and this pineal gland has crystals. If you can breathe up into this pineal gland, the crystals get released and they open up the chakras. It can actually open up the window to the quantum realm. And in the quantum realm, this is where we get information because we are energy, right? We are pure energy. And I feel like when you tap into that you can really change the course of your life. From the quantum field, you can actually experience feelings and emotions that you can’t tap into in the 3D universe. I’ve actually experienced going there [laughs] and it is pure connection, pure love and heart.

If money can’t buy you class, what can it buy you?

Countess Luann: Everything else [laughs]. How many billionaires and people with so much money do we know who are also miserable? So, really, it’s not about money. It’s about energy. Money can’t buy class, it can’t buy groundedness and it can’t buy people’s happiness.

During your tenure on RHONY, we saw you go through a lot. How do you think someone can manage to remain being fabulous when life hands you lemons? 

Countess Luann: Well, like they say, you’ve got to make lemonade. And if you don’t think you’re fabulous, nobody else will. It’s all here [points to her head]. We tend to talk down to ourselves and not give ourselves enough love for the effort that we make. I feel like people are very hard on themselves. People need to talk more positively to themselves. It matters what we put out into the universe and what we say, and I feel like people don’t realise that. You’ve got to give yourself compassion.

When I was modelling back in New York when I first moved there, my roommates at the time – one was on Wall Street and the other was in real estate – wanted to go to all the parties and they would say, ‘Luann, there are thousands of models in New York. What makes you think you’re going to get the job?’ And I would say, ‘Well if I don’t think I’m great then nobody else is going to think I’m great.’ I had a lot of doors closed in my face. I’ve had a lot of falling down, but I’ve got back up. You just have to believe in yourself because that’s what is going to get you there. It’s about being persistent and knowing that if you think in a certain direction – and this goes back to the quantum field – you can manifest your life. That’s why I say that life is a cabaret because we write our own stories.

“If you don’t think you’re fabulous, nobody else will” – Countess Luann

Something Andy Cohen once said to you was that you can sometimes dress up your insults or criticism with politeness. Would you say your approach things like conflict has changed? 

Countess Luann: Yes. Whereas before where I would normally have a reaction, now I might take a pause before actually speaking. I’ve learned that the hard way because I’ve watched myself on television. But [Andy] also said that I was the most resilient Housewife. Listen, I’m not made of steel. I screw up. I make mistakes. It’s learning from your mistakes that matters. If you don’t change then your personality is never going to change. It’s learning from the things we do wrong and the things we do right. And I store it all up here; like a cafeteria Catholic, I take the things I like and I leave the rest on the buffet. I always say: if you think you’re ripe, you’re already rotten.

In Class with the Countess, you write that people shouldn’t buy anything simply for one occasion. How would you suggest that, especially when it comes to music festival season, people approach fashion? 

Countess Luann: If you’re going to buy something, you should be able to wear it over and over again. Why not? That’s why I love classic things. Sure I love trends, but I can tell you my Gucci and my Pucci and my Hermès, all those things, are going to live in my closet for a long time to come. If you buy a piece that has that longevity, you can have it and wear it to many Hoopla festivals. Why not celebrate with one fabulous sequinned top? Then you can wear it under a blazer to go out to dinner. It’s always great to have a basic and then accessorise and have fun with it without spending a lot of money. You don’t have to spend a lot of money these days to look chic or fabulous. It’s not about money; it’s about how you wear it. 

God bless the person who is wearing Hermès to Mighty Hoopla. 

Countess Luann: I’ll be wearing Jovani.

I admit that I once wore Crocs to Mighty Hoopla. What, in your mind, is acceptable footwear for an outdoor event?

Countess Luann: Well... I think Crocs are interesting. They’re not my first choice. Look at all these fabulous sneaker brands these days. You can get a pair of comfortable shoes that look good. Why not get something comfortable that looks good too?

You wouldn’t wear a Croc?

Countess Luann: Don’t your feet get sweaty in them?

They have little holes in them for ventilation. 

Countess Luann: Well, that shows you how many pairs of Crocs that I own.

Money can’t buy you class but it can buy you a ticket to Mighty Hoopla here. Countess Luann will also appear in the upcoming season of Ultimate Girls Trip on Peacock in the US and Hayu in the UK.

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