10 books about love to read this Valentine’s Day

I often feel like Valentine’s is just another consumerist holiday, designed to get us all spending money on pointless heart-shaped tat rather than really appreciating the value of love. That said – I am a romantic at heart, and reading books that view love as a political act has helped me embrace that.

Empathy and love are not just wonderful feelings, but are vital revolutionary tools that can empower us all. To love is to feel safe and offer a safe space to others. At a time when mainstream political narratives continue to divide and harm us, love is an antidote.

This month, I share my top ten books on romance, sex and relationships, that go beyond the surface and delve into the politics behind our most intimate interactions. By revealing how care and connection are inherently political, these books help us understand how to love one another better.

ALL ABOUT LOVE – BELL HOOKS (1999)

Undeniably a cult classic, All About Love by bell hooks remains perpetually relevant, and for good reason. Drawing on personal experiences and questioning the cultural norms that have misled us, this book teaches us the importance of centering affection, trust, respect and care in our relationships, over domination, control and ego. hooks delves into key questions concerning love, how we imagine it, what we expect from it, and how it should be done. By arguing that it’s more helpful to think of ‘love’ as a verb rather than a noun, she offers us a new way of approaching our relationships: one that is healing, safe and empowering for all.

THEY CALL IT LOVE – ALVA GOTBY (2023)

Comforting a friend, calming a crying child, accompanying an older person, looking after the home; these are all essential acts of labour. They Call It Love shines a light on the invisible labour involved in love, examining who is responsible for performing it, how it can blossom, and why we do it. Drawing on feminist theory that inspired the ‘Wages for Housework’ movement, Gotby shows that emotional labour is a key aspect of capitalist reproduction, and how the work involved in maintaining our relationships is inherently political.

ARRANGEMENTS IN BLUE – AMY KEY (2023)

This moving memoir traces poet Amy Key’s expectations of love and her pursuit of it. By using Joni Mitchell’s album Blue as her guide, she delves into the unexpected life that she has found herself living – one in the absence of romantic love. This is a book that is honest about maintaining an enduring hope for love, and also shines a light on the more mundane acts of love that so often go unnoticed in our day-to-day lives.

TOMORROW SEX WILL BE GOOD AGAIN – KATHERINE ANGEL (2021)

Since the #MeToo brought consent to the forefront of our conversations around sex and intimacy, how should we reimagine female sexual empowerment? In this short yet comprehensive book, Angel not only asks key questions about what women want, but also how we can know what we want. By touching on debates around #MeToo, consent and modern feminism, this book explores women’s intimate desires and interactions and argues that agency, autonomy and pleasure are central to making sex good again.

THE RIGHT TO SEX – AMIA SRINIVASAN (2022)

This collection of essays explores sex through the prism of politics, desirability and ethics. It reveals real, lived examples of sexual desire and interaction which expose truths about our wider world; like the varying degrees of attention white and Asian men on Grindr get, or how the #BelieveHer movement can often “too readily [give] cover to the stigmatization of black male sexuality” by white women.

By touching on issues including racism, colourism, consent, misogyny, porn, ‘fuckability’ and gender, Srinivasan offers a new perspective on an age old subject. 

WHY WOMEN HAVE BETTER SEX UNDER SOCIALISM – KRISTEN GHODSEE (2019)

In what started as a witty op-ed that went viral, this book tackles how gender inequality and capitalist exploitation harm women’s lives, work, relationships… and sex. Drawing on her research in countries that have transitioned from state socialism to capitalism, Ghodsee argues that unregulated capitalism disproportionately harms women. This book is a manifesto for a better world, where women experience improved labour conditions, economic independence, and even better sex. Where can I sign up?

TO MY SISTERS – COURTNEY DANIELLA BOATENG AND RENEE KAPUKU (2023)

Too often, friendships are regarded as somehow less valuable than romantic relationships. This guide draws from Boateng and Kapuku’s personal experience of over a decade of fierce friendship, teaching us how to embrace the power of love and community. From the hosts of hit podcast ‘To My Sisters’, this debut is a guide to manifesting sisterhood that lasts a lifetime and nourishes beyond the surface level. 

A TRANS MAN WALKS INTO A GAY BAR – HARRY NICOLAS (2023)

After his five-year-long relationships ends, Harry realises he is a single adult for the first time – not only that, but a single, transmasculine, and newly out gay man. This memoir explores the fear of rejection, new beginnings, finding love and manhood. Harry explores the contradictions of gay culture as a trans gay man and everything that comes with it. This read plainly shows how, despite the obstacles, there is abundant joy in discoverring who you are.

REVOLUTIONARY LOVE: A POLITICAL MANIFESTO TO HEAL AND TRANSFORM THE WORLD – MICHAEL LERNER (2022)

Capitalism is at odds with love. The extraction-driven and individualist values that capitalism depends on are fundamentally incompatible with genuine love, kindness and compassion. But really, love ought to be at the centre of all we do, and can enable us to create a utopian society that supports both people and the planet. By drawing connections between the political economy, our personal wounds and systemic issues such as poverty and homelessness, Lerner shows how deeply we need a socialist framework of connection, society and care.

FAMILY ABOLITION: CAPITALISM AND THE COMMUNIZING OF CARE – ME O’BRIEN (2023)

The family has long been burdened with the responsibility of care in a capitalist society that exploits and exhausts us. But the expectations of the family often fail to be met, and for many, the family is in fact a place of further manipulation, violence and inequality. This book tackles the struggles across the globe to go beyond the private family. From the industrial cities of Europe, to slavery plantations in North America, to the rise and fall of the 1950s nuclear family, O’Brien demonstrates how the family has changed, and highlights alternative modes of loving, caring and living.

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