As The Standard’s raucous Ibiza outpost throws its doors open for the first time, IG’s fave secret-spiller shares his guarantees for a good time
Have you ever been to a party at The Standard? If the answer is yes, you’ll know just how raucous they can get. With outposts scattered across the globe, all the way from its New York OG, to Miami, the Maldives, Bangkok, and not-quite-so-exotic-but-still-pretty-glam London, the hotel chain is as notorious for its wild atmosphere as it is its luxe rooms, chic restaurants, and fab, friendly service. It makes sense, then, that the next destination on The Standard’s hit list would be the party island of Ibiza.
While some might be surprised that it’s taken this long for what’s quite clearly a match made in heaven to get off the ground, that all changed this weekend. As Ibiza prepares to welcome visitors from around the world for the first long-awaited, fully-open summer season since 2019(!), The Standard, Ibiza also hurled its big glass doors wide for the first time. And in typical Standard fashion, the revellers followed, as an international crowd of creatives including Shygirl, Yahya Abdul-Mateen, Florence Pugh, Maximilian Davis, and Chet Lo landed on the White Isle for a weekend of partying.
Night one saw London-based designer and The Standard, London resident Harris Reed take over ground floor restaurant Jara for a special birthday dinner, gossip, and many, many margaritas, as people spilled from the space’s doors onto the bustling street outside to catch up and smoke cigs. The next morning, guests slowly made their way up to the hotel’s roof and a space aptly named ‘UP’ for al fresco breakfasts and restorative dips in one of Ibiza’s only rooftop pools – while plenty more lounged in rooms in a bid to sleep off hangovers. By the time the afternoon rolled round, a second party was in full swing at UP, where synchronised swimmers put on a display and Bimini Bon Boulash slipped into that Miu Miu set and staged a photoshoot on the steps of the pool.
The main event, however, was Saturday night’s official launch party, where Benji B and house legend Maurice Fulton got behind the decks to ease guests into the evening, before star guest, the iconic Ms. Róisín Murphy, took over the stage with a small but perfectly formed set that reached its climax with a similarly iconic mash-up of Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” and bonafide Ibiza banger “Sing It Back” by Moloko. Among those up front for Murphy’s set was Instagram’s fave secret spiller, impressionist, and shitposter, Jordan Firstman. The writer, who rose to fame doing impersonations of banana bread’s publicist and ‘drinking and screaming’ Brits circa the early days of the pandemic is no stranger to the odd party, and has some v specific ideas on what it takes to put on a good one. In the spirit of The Standard, we took him to one side to get his top tips – this is how you throw a party in Ibiza, bitch.
Hey Jordan! So first up, talk me through the best party you’ve ever been to...
Jordan Firstman: I don’t want to pit parties against each other, it’s 2022. But if I could find a common link between all the best parties I’ve been to, FOR ME… high level people, music that matches the people, drugs that match the music. Easy.
What are the key elements for a great party?
Jordan Firstman: As far as people go, you want enough people you know so you don’t feel lost, but not all people you know. You need to be able to meet new friends and new lovers or else it will feel like a school dance. The element of surprise is crucial for a good party.
As mentioned, drugs are essential but they shouldn’t be flowing everywhere. I don’t support the stories from the 70s of trays of cocaine constantly being passed. It’s too excessive. Part of the night is finding the drugs you want and then picking the people you want to do them with. It creates a Hunger Games-like mentality that is needed to keep the party exciting.
“I don’t want to pit parties against each other, it’s 2022. But if I could find a common link between all the best parties I’ve been to, FOR ME… high level people, music that matches the people, drugs that match the music. Easy” – Jordan Firstman
Who's your dream line-up of attendees, living or dead?
Jordan Firstman: Ellen Degeneres, 300 times.
Who would be banned?
Jordan Firstman: Everyone but Ellen.
Who would you have doing live music?
Jordan Firstman: Meghan Trainor.
Tell me about your stay at The Standard, Ibiza, what did you love about the hotel?
Jordan Firstman: Fab people, fab fits, fab food, and fab drinks.
Describe The Standard's opening weekend in three words...
Jordan Firstman: 30, flirty & thriving.
Was this your first time in Ibiza? What did you think of it?
Jordan Firstman: Siiii. It was chiller than I imagined! I thought it was gonna be party party party everywhere all the time but it’s actually quite cute and relaxed.
Any embarrassing party stories?
Jordan Firstman: Yeah, it involves shit and I don’t want to talk about it right now!!!
What makes a terrible party?
Jordan Firstman: People who are too cool for school and don’t wanna have fun.
Tell me a secret from The Standard, Ibiza opening party...
Jordan Firstman: I kissed Florence Pugh at least 8-10 times.
