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Vanjie and Kameron Michaels Pillow Talk
Illustration Callum Abbott

Drag Race’s Vanjie and Kameron Michaels on how to have the best queer sex

As they offer much-needed sex education on their new show Gay Sex Ed, the drag icons answer reader DMs about kinks, dating apps, deepthroating, and more

For most of our generation, our education on queer sex was non-existent. We got taught the birds and the bees for heterosexual intercourse, but our knowledge of queer sex came only when we got access to porn or could sneak down and watch some of Sexcetera when our parents were asleep. No open discussions were to be found, making sex conversations feel like a dirty secret.

Enter: Gay Sex Ed, the new show on Wow Presents Plus with RuPaul’s Drag Race legends Vanessa “Vanjie” Mateo and Kameron Michaels. The drag divas are joined on the show by certified sex therapist Dr Chris Donaghue to hilariously and honestly discuss all things sex educational from a gay male perspective.

Here, Vanjie and Kameron sit down with Dazed to answer our readers’ urgent, anonymous DMs about queer sex, love, and everything in between.

What is the one thing that everyone should do right now to improve their dating app profile?

Kameron Michaels: Take out all the ‘no’s. That is my biggest pet peeve. Especially when your entire profile is ‘no’s. That tells me nothing about you or what you’re looking for. It’s only telling me what you don’t like and don’t want – and that’s not attractive. Tell us things about yourself and who you are looking for.

Vanjie: Don’t have a group photo for every one, because then we have to figure out who you are in every fucking photo! I think that’s strategic, sneaky, and catfishy. Have a few with your friends so we know you have them, but not all five photos!

After ten years, I’m no longer interested in sex with my boyfriend, but I still love him. What should I do?

Kameron Michaels: It’s not something for everyone, but a lot of gay men do end up opening their relationship up as they get older to keep things fresh and fun. If that’s something that both parties agree with and they set some ground rules, then that’s great. If that’s not something you’re willing to do, then I’d suggest seeing a sex therapist like Dr Chris.

Vanjie: I would agree and say the same thing. Just communicate with your partner.

How do you make your first time more enjoyable?

Kameron Michaels: I guess we’re talking about bottoming, because as far as I’m concerned the top is going to have fun regardless! For the bottom it’s about relaxation. There’s toys you can prep with, too.

Vanjie: I’ll say this for the tops’ first time. Make sure before you meet the boy, you jack off and cum first. That way you don’t cum so quickly when you see the trade. For bottoms, take the time to prepare yourself and feel confident before you’re about to ride him like a cowboy, Brokeback Mountain style.

Tips for deepthroating?

Kameron Michaels: Honestly, if it’s too big, it’s too big. It’s just not gonna happen. Some people have a gag reflex and some people do not. For those of us that still do – and I’m one of them – you can only do it for so long. The biggest thing is that the guy needs to be very gentle, because some guys can get too excited. You need to be in control even if you’re submissive because they can honestly hurt you if they get too aggressive.

Vanjie: Right, don’t be trying to grab the head and push it further. Start crying and shit with all the choking.

I’ve got discolouration on my ass and I’m a bottom. I’m self conscious. What should I do?

Vanjie: Anal bleach cream. They sell it online or at sex shops. If you want to spend more money you can get laser removal, but just know that some of that discolouration is normal.

“Don’t have a group photo for every one (on a dating app), because then we have to figure out who you are in every fucking photo!” – Vanjie

How can people communicate better about sexual health status without being rude?

Kameron Michaels: That’s a private conversation that needs to happen between whoever’s participating in the sex. You need to be asking the questions like, ‘When did you last get tested?’ or ‘Is there anything I need to know about?’ Communicate those things before going forward.

Vanjie: And if you’re gonna ask via text, use a smiley face emoji. A lot can be forgiven with an emoji!

How do you approach exploring fetishes and kinks with your partner?

Kameron Michaels: If it’s a partner, you probably already have established communication with them, so just be honest and open. Let them know you think it’s hot and you wanna try it. It should be something you can say easily. If you’re with a partner that’s attentive to your needs and the right partner, they’re not gonna say no.

How do I drop hints to my partner that I need to be dicked out? It’s been months!

Vanjie: I mean, I’m not good at dropping hints. I just drop full on statements!

Kameron Michaels: Well, same. But sending pictures, getting him excited the day before I see him – that’s like foreplay to me. Let me just say though, if you’re not comfortable doing that, don’t! But I know if I’m seeing a guy the next day, I like to send him pictures just to let him know I’m here and to pay attention to me!

I’m a bi girl and I sometimes have fantasies about topping guys. What should I do?

Both: DO IT!

When are two people officially in a relationship if no one has asked the other?

Kameron Michaels: It’s a touchy subject for me, because the amount of relationships I have been in where there is no title means I probably have had way more boyfriends than I let on. 

Vanjie: It depends how long the talking has been going on. If everything’s going smooth and fine, then you don’t necessarily need a title. But the second somebody gets a little jealous or you wanna make sure that person is yours, somebody has to say something. We’re not mind readers. I’m not in the X-Men and I can’t tell the future!

How long is a top supposed to last?

Kameron Michaels: The stories you hear when you’re younger and the songs people sing about having sex ALL NIGHT or till the morning light or whatever they put in their lyrics – I don’t know who is out there doing that, but if we’re having penetrative sex for longer than 45 minutes, we’re DONE, it’s too much! Stop! If it’s longer than 30 minutes I’m just going to get bored.

Vanjie: Yeah, if it’s too long I’m gonna think, ‘What? Can you not cum? What’s the T, are you not into it?’

“If we’re having penetrative sex for longer than 45 minutes, we’re DONE, it’s too much! Stop!” – Kameron Michaels

What do you do if a guy asks for your body count?

Kameron Michaels: I’ve never been asked that question and I wouldn’t answer it because it’s none of his business. What does the answer to that question change about our relationship?

Vanjie: Why would somebody want to ask that? Because if you get an answer you don’t like, you’re just gonna be sat there with your face looking sour.

What is the best way to get a guy’s attention?

Kameron Michaels: I actually just did this at the airport yesterday! We were in the Delta lounge in New York City, and this guy was there with his mask on but I could tell he was super cute. We were getting drinks and I could just like, feel his energy around me. So then I wandered over to the food on the other end of the room and he was there again! So, then I thought, ‘Oh is this guy following me around?’ That’s the best way to do it. Plant yourself subtly in their line of sight so they notice you and then there’s no rejection involved, it’s very chill.

Vanjie: And if it’s on social media, you like all their photos and react to their stories. Every reaction under the sun!

If you could pick a place around the world to have sex, where would it be?

Vanjie: Eiffel Tower.

Kameron Michaels: Which one, Vegas or Paris?

Vanjie: The Paris one, oui oui, bitch! Oui, oui!

Gay Sex Ed with Kameron Michaels and Vanessa “Vanjie” Mateo is now available to watch on the streamer of all things drag, WOW Presents Plus. Subscribe here