I went to Goop and all I got was this candle that smells like a vagina
Guys, Goop is selling a hilarious new candle and it’s c-LIT (get it!).
From fragrance brand Heretic Parfum, the “This Smells Like My Vagina” candle is a blend of geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette (that is what your vagina smells like, right?).
According to Goop, the candle started as a joke between Heretic perfumer Douglas Little and Gwyneth Paltrow. The two were developing a fragrance together when Paltrow came out with: “Uhhh… this smells like a vagina.” It then evolved into a candle that costs $75 and is described by the brand as a beautifully unexpected scent that “puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth.” Warmth indeed.
This candle really taps into the vagina-esque scents trend that we’ve been seeing recently. Glossier’s fragrance You, for example, which is designed to smell like… you and described as smelling like “that familiar human-y note” that’s “creamy” and “warm.” Or Escentric Molecules’ Molecule 01 which is described by perfumer Geza Schoen as “one of those skin-sexy scents that makes you want to nestle into it.”
But does “This Smells Like My Vagina” actually smell like a vagina? Since the candle only ships within the US, unfortunately we couldn’t get our hands on it but the good people at The Cut have done the work and their overall verdict was… no.
“Maybe if you asked a bunch of teen boys who had never been near a vagina, they’d say, ‘Yeah, like this!’” said beauty director Kathleen Hou, while fashion writer Sarah Spellings said: “It smells like a vagina if you’ve only ever been exposed to the concept through tampon commercials. This is very much a conceptual vag.” Writer Bridget Read kept it simple. “No vagina on God’s green earth.” So that’s that.
It’s perhaps unsurprising that Goop doesn’t know what a vagina smells like since they don’t know how to manage one in any other way either. In 2015, the company came under fire from the medical community for recommending women to steam-clean their vaginas, while in 2018, it settled a $145,00 lawsuit with regulatory authorities in California over a vaginal detox jade egg sold on the website which it claimed could balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles and prevent uterine prolapse. Prosecutors from the California Food, Drug, and Medical Device Task Force said the claims “were not supported by competent and reliable science.”
In other Goop news, the brand announced yesterday that it was partnering with a cruise ship to bring Goop fans a day of wellness at sea. The first trailer (and a very vaginal promo poster) for new Netflix series The Goop Lab also dropped earlier this week. The six-episode series will explore alternative wellness practices including energy healing, psychedelics, psychic mediums, and female sexual pleasure.