Tired of swiping, swathes of young people are flocking to singles nights in search of a romantic meet-cute – here, writer Rebecca Fearn tries out a new dating event with a literary twist
Call me cliché, but I’ve always said that my dream scenario for finding my forever-person centred around a spontaneous meet-cute at a bookstore in October (my favourite month, and the best of autumn). I’m certainly a product of my upbringing: I grew up watching You’ve Got Mail and Notting Hill, after all. The situation I currently find myself in is likely as close as it gets to said dream: I’m at a (meticulously planned) IRL bookstore dating event, which aims to bring together singles like me who love to read. In other words, it’s where old school romantics come to keep the hope alive in 2025, often after years of dating app misery.
The architect behind this specific event is Jessica Carroll, who founded Bored Of Dating Apps (BODA) in order to foster IRL connections, and as “a love letter to meet-cute culture.” Fed up with her own experiences on the apps (which she describes as “an endurance test” akin to “surviving the trenches”), she represents the ultimate success story and is a glowing advertisement for her brand, having met her now-husband at one of her singles events. BODA, she says, has since grown “into a rebellion against a culture of disposability – a rejection of ‘human shopping’ and the grass-is-greener mentality.” To put it plainly, it’s the defiant antidote to apps like Hinge, Bumble and Tinder.
BODA’s bookshop dating events started in New York and have now taken off across the UK in cities like Liverpool and London. And they’re not the only book-centred dating event taking off right now: Foyles ran a book-themed speed-dating event for Valentine’s Day (which sold out weeks in advance), while east London’s Bàrd Books regularly hosts book club events for singles too. BODA’s bookshop dating events are fast becoming some of their most popular offerings, and Carroll understands why. “Bookshops have always been the setting of great love stories, both on screen and in novels. They carry that rom-com quality we’re obsessed with.” Dating and relationship coach Vicki Pavitt adds that “books reveal so much about who we are and how we see the world; it’s a great way to meet someone who shares your values and interests.” Plus, she continues, “meeting someone this way means you’re surrounded by conversation starters.”
From what I saw, BODA’s ‘Bookshop Meet-Cute’ at BookBar (which coincidentally happens to be one of my favourite independents in London) played out like a masterclass in modern, in-person relationship building. I instantly bonded with a pair of women, even creating a ‘code word’ for us to use should we feel uncomfortable while talking to a man. Men did approach us: there was a steady stream of conversation with a variety of suitors throughout the night, much of which started with discussions of our favourite book or something we’d recently read. But the code word wasn’t used once; it felt safe, easy and most importantly, enjoyable. With my two new companions at my side, I quickly managed to get chatting to a group of like-minded singles, where we discussed everything from why we were looking for love and what we did for work to our favourite rom-com meet-cutes.
It felt good to meet interesting people in real life. After five long years of being mostly single and feeling utterly dissatisfied with the likes of Hinge (I throw my phone across the room daily), being in a space like this felt freeing. It gave me a chance to share who I really was as a person, instead of relying on five pictures and some random prompts. Like many other young singles, I long for a time before online dating, where meeting someone ‘naturally’ was the norm: “Both Gen Z and millennials come to these events. Millennials want to return to what was before apps, and Gen Z feel almost nostalgic for a time they weren’t even a part of,” says Carroll. “Many are readers, of course, but what unites them isn’t literary taste so much as mindset in dating. They want a slower, more thoughtful encounter. They want something organic.”
The event also showed me the enduring power of a good wingwoman: halfway through the night, our group was approached by a man I quickly connected with – but he soon left us, causing me to worry it’d come to nothing. Luckily, one of my new friends stepped up, convincing me he absolutely was into me, but had perhaps just struggled to get a read on me: something she confirmed with him when they spoke one-on-one. Her actions led to him returning and asking me for a date.
Like many other young singles, I long for a time before online dating, where meeting someone ‘naturally’ was the norm
For those of us – myself included – seeking that old-school love story brimming with romance, passion and intensity, these nights should “feel like an antidote” to everything else we’ve tried, she says. They also aim to remind us that wanting something deep and meaningful (and being vocal about that) is still OK. “In a dating culture built on instant gratification, these nights offer patience, presence, and attention. In a bookshop, time stretches. That’s powerful in a world where so many feel disposable,” Carroll says. “Our events remind people that romance is still alive, it just needs the right stage.”
That doesn’t mean there haven’t been challenges for startups that run events like these. A big one is ensuring enough men come along in the first place. While BODA does run a number of queer events (I’m bi, so will be trying them), many like this one are assumed to be largely hetero-leaning – and while women always seem game to come along, the male tickets are typically the last to sell out, if at all. Describing it as one of their “biggest challenges,” Carroll explains that men “have been slower to singles events” often because of outdated notions they still hold about ‘cringey’ speed dating nights, as well as a hefty dose of natural trepidation. “We've often heard that they fear they’ll walk into a singles event and feel judged, made to feel embarrassed or outnumbered, [and that] the idea of approaching women IRL feels super scary after so many years of being contained romantically to only start conversations online.” She believes it’s not because they don’t want romance: “it's more about unlearning how apps have conditioned the dating culture.” BODA are challenging this by introducing male hosts and partnering with “men’s mental health communities, barbers, tennis clubs and beyond,” in order to spread the word.
Another potential roadblock is overcoming just how shy and socially resistant we’ve become as a society. With so much communication now happening online, our social muscles aren’t flexed as often as they used to be, and a sense of community can feel harder to build IRL. But keeping ourselves open to new opportunities – rather than hiding behind a screen – could be the key to long-lasting love. “You don’t need to be the loudest person in the room to get a conversation started and make a connection,” assures Pavitt. “Start small and set yourself a gentle goal like having one conversation with someone new or simply by showing up. Remember: everyone is attending for the same reason, and most people get nervous.” Organisers do have strategies in place for those feeling extra shy, too; these involve handing out bookmarks to exchange numbers on, and requesting you bring along a book to spark conversations, even gifting it to someone you’re interested in getting to know more. The biggest piece of advice I have, though? Just be bold: you might even strike gold like I did, and walk away with a group of new mates – and a potential love interest.
Find out more about BODA’s bookstore events here.