TLDR: dump your partner and shag your friends
Freshers’ week is nigh: as I write this, hordes of 18-year-olds are likely raiding their parents’ drawers for knives and forks, panic-buying overpriced clothes from Urban Outfitters, and fruitlessly trying to identify their future flatmates via a number of impenetrable Facebook Freshers’ groups.
If you are one of these lucky incoming students: good luck! While you’re probably excited at the prospect of moving somewhere where there’s a bit more to do than get drunk on a park bench and traipse around a desolate ‘retail park’, it’s also totally normal to feel anxious as Freshers’ week looms.
The first few weeks of university have a reputation for being fun, a little chaotic, and, yes, prime time for casual sex. But if you’re panicked at the thought of having to navigate it all, don’t fret – we’ve compiled a handy list of our ten best tips for how to approach dating, sex, and relationships in your first year of university.
DO BREAK UP WITH YOUR SIXTH FORM PARTNER
I’m sorry, but they are not the love of your life. Yes, even if you lost your virginity to them; even if the train between Leeds and Nottingham is only two hours long; even if you’ve already planned your one-year anniversary dinner at Pizza Express. If you don’t heed this warning, you will break up two years down the line and be forever haunted by the realisation that you a) blew your shot with the hot guy you met at the student union bar who now has a beautiful girlfriend and b) wasted £692 on Trainline tickets to Nottingham.
DON’T BECOME OBSESSED WITH THE FIRST PERSON (MAN) WHO IS NICE TO YOU
For those heading to uni already single, I get it; teenage boys are cruel and you’ve probably spent the last few years internalising the idea that you are ugly and freakish and fundamentally unlovable. But the first man to treat you with a modicum of respect probably isn’t the love of your life either. If anything he’s probably a mental narcissist who’s sniffed out how insecure you are and is planning on putting you through the ringer with some seriously fucked-up mind games (it’s not like I have firsthand experience of this or anything haha).
Then again, maybe this is a canon event for anyone with cripplingly low self-esteem, so go for it if you want, I guess. Character building etc x
Fanciable people are everywhere at uni: keep your eyes peeled and your heart open
DO FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE
None of this is to say you ought to swear off dating during your first year of university: conversely, this is the perfect time to sow your wild oats. Try to find romance everywhere. Allow yourself to be delusional with it: why not kid yourself into thinking the fit guy in your English seminar is hopelessly in love with you because he said your thoughts on Heart of Darkness were “interesting”? Why not fantasise about the myriad ways you could possibly introduce yourself to the sweet-looking girl you always walk past in the library? Fanciable people are everywhere at uni: keep your eyes peeled and your heart open.
You might never shag – let alone speak to – most of these people, but that’s half the fun. “Fantasy love is much better than reality love” or whatever Andy Warhol said.
DO SHAG YOUR FRIENDS
Listen. Maybe this is bad advice, but I don’t care. You can’t say you think everyone on Hinge is ugly and narcissistic and then write off lovely Matt from the film society because ‘it would be weird’ because you’re ‘like brother and sister’. You are not like brother and sister: you met three weeks ago and have probably both fantasised about shagging one another. Get drunk and have a little kiss at least. Life’s too short.
(One caveat: do not shag your first-year flatmate. People repeat this advice for a reason.)
DO BUY A VIBRATOR
You don’t have to worry about your mum intercepting your Lovehoney parcel or hearing the muffled buzz of a bullet through your bedroom wall any longer – enjoy the freedom!
DON’T ‘FORGET’ TO CHANGE YOUR BED SHEETS FOR THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR FIRST TERM
This one is largely aimed at all the straight, male freshers of the world. It’s not nice to bring someone back to your room and expect them to get into sheets which reek of must and semen.
And while we’re on the topic, don’t be afraid to inject some personality into your room too. It doesn’t have to be Architectural Digest-worthy but most women will think you’re a serial killer if the only ‘decoration’ in your bedroom is a PS5 perched atop a sad pile of the textbooks needed for your course. Get a plant, at least.
DON’T BE WEIRD ABOUT CASUAL RELATIONSHIPS
Having casual sex with someone doesn’t mean you’ve got carte blanche to treat them like a sex toy with an annoying human appendage. Don’t bolt out the door as soon as you’ve wiped the cum off your thighs: stay for a glass of water and a cuddle and maybe an episode of something. Smile if you walk past them on campus. Reply to their texts in a timely manner. It’s not hard.
Having casual sex with someone doesn’t mean you’ve got carte blanche to treat them like a sex toy with an annoying human appendage
DO BE SAFE
On a more serious note, do use condoms and try to remember to carry them with you (whether you have a dick or not).
Plus, if you haven’t already, it’s a good idea to consider some form of long-term contraception if you’re worried about an unplanned pregnancy (PSA for anyone with prudish parents: they don’t need to know. You’re an adult. It’s your business, not theirs).
If you have had unprotected sex, get tested: you can access STI and STD testing at a local sexual health clinic or GP surgery. You can also order free and discreet tests online. If you’re worried about an unplanned pregnancy, you can also get the morning after pill from most sexual health clinics, GP surgeries, or pharmacies. You may also be able to get the it for free on the NHS, but you may have to pay at pharmacies like Boots. Men: if any of your sexual partners has to pay for the morning after pill, don’t be a dick – split the cost with them.
DON’T DITCH YOUR FRIENDS FOR A PARTNER
Not because you’ll have no shoulder to cry on if your relationship goes south – more because it’s just a shitty thing to do to your friends. Your mates will carry you through uni, and if you’ve got good ones, they’ll carry you through post-grad life too. Don’t treat them like they’re playing second fiddle to your partner.
DO HAVE FUN
Navigating love and sex at uni is not easy by any means. One day you will probably find yourself sobbing into your McDonald’s order over a man who doesn’t care if you live or die. You will probably call one of your Hinge matches while drunk and say something so toe-curlingly embarrassing that the next day you’ll look into the logistics of transferring to the University of Strathclyde. You will probably break someone’s heart too. But university is probably the first and last time in your life where you will be parachuted into the midst of a ready-made community of hot, interesting people, with all the time in the world to go on dates, have sex, and, yes, even fall in love. Make the most of it.