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Grace Jones
The Devil in Miss Jones, Dazed November 2008Photography Chris Cunningham

Grace Jones: ‘Kim Kardashian is a basic commercial product’

From dissing the reality star to detailing her first ever orgasm, here are five revelations from the music icon’s explosive autobiography

It’s not an overstatement to say that Grace Jones’ memoir has proved to be utterly, brilliantly, outrageous. From throwing some serious shade at contemporary pop stars like Lady Gaga and Miley Cyrus, to revealing that she was high as a kite before she whacked Russell Harty live on air, the memoir she vowed never to write has elicited more than a few gasps – just like the iconoclast herself. To celebrate Grace Jones' enduring legacy as a pop culture icon who gives no fucks, here are some of the most shocking revelations from our new favourite book I’ll Never Write My Memoirs.

SHE WAS UNIMPRESSED WITH KIM KARDASHIAN’S SHOOT FOR PAPER MAGAZINE

It’s hard to think of Grace Jones without thinking of Jean-Paul Goude, the iconic photographer behind some of her most striking album art, long time collaborator, and father of her child. However, when Goude turned his lens on Kim Kardashian for last year’s Paper magazine shoot, Jones was far from impressed. “He does things that annoy me,” she says in her memoir. “When he took a photograph of Kim Kardashian with a champagne glass perched on her ass in an impossible pose like the ones he did with me over thirty-five years ago, I asked him why he was giving her – a basic commercial product – his ideas? This seemed to contradict his spirit of integrity, which he has protected for so long. Why was he repeating himself, just to give her a little flare of publicity, quickly absorbed by the next puff of self-promotion?” Well, he replied, ‘I got the feeling that if I didn’t do that photograph, she would have simply copied the idea anyway. I might as well copy myself.’ His ideas are are so powerful that repeating them decades later still causes a hell of a fuss, however temporary...He might have done it to wind me up a little as well. Which he did."

HER FIRST EVER ORGASM WAS WITH A HAIRDRESSER NAMED ANDRE

Grace Jones is no prude – that much we already know – and she does not hold back when speaking about her sex life. Her first orgasm was with Andre, a hairdresser from Cinadre who was also the first to style her hair. “It was such a revelation, almost traumatic,” she explains. “It was such a life-changing occurrence, that it blasted through me, and it doesn’t come instantly when it was…If you don’t know what an orgasm is like, when it happens, it finally dawns on you, Oh, this is an orgasm!” She then adds: “If I die now, I die knowing the most amazing feeling of what an orgasm is like. We swallowed each other up inside the body of love. Fireflies scattered through the sky.”

IF YOU LIKE COCAINE, SHE RECOMMENDS YOU STICK IT UP YOUR ASS

Those Mexican women in that new viral video challenge are doing it all wrong – according to Grace Jones, anyway. If you’re into cocaine, then you should be sticking it up your ass. In Jones’ new memoir, she says that coke isn’t her favourite drug, explaining: “Actually, I prefer to put a rock up my ass rather than snort it. Sometimes it might get blown up in there, one way or another. Then you get a very wonderful sexual feeling in your lower half. Stick a tiny little rock up your butt and it feels fantastic. The coke must be clean, of course…Tried that with a couple of girlfriends in Paris – Nice.” Thanks for the advice, Grace. Much appreciated.

SHE ONCE PULLED A GUN OUT ON HER EX-BOYFRIEND

This is the moment Grace Jones thought she was one of the Charlies Angels and fetched her then-boyfriend Dolph Lundgren, who hadn’t been home in over a week, and was with a friend. “I actually had a gun,” she writes. “It seemed very natural that I would go and fetch Dolph holding a gun. I did so out of desperation… we banged on the door of his room. Bang, bang, bang! I’ve got a gun!” She didn’t actually shoot him of course, but they did break up. “That was the end of the ballad of Grace and Dolph. Dolph lived to see another action movie, and another, until the end of time, and I got to move the hell out of Hollywood.”

THE GRAMMY AWARDS CALLED THE POLICE ON HER FOR SCREAMING

The Grammys are a little uptight, aren’t they? The guests aren’t allowed any alcohol, and the ceremony goes on for hours. Grace Jones isn’t so keen, either. Back in 1982, Goude and Jones were nominated for a Grammy for the full-length video of “One Man Show” (they lost out to Duran Duran, much to her absolute dismay) and Jones presented an award herself. However, following the event, she was not allowed into the after party because she’d lost her invite. “When they turned me away, I tried to hold it in, but I was so upset,” she explains in the memoir. “There was a really long hallway in this big building where the party was. I let out a huge scream that lasted as long as I could make it as we left the building. The police were called, and they were going to arrest me for disturbing the peace.” Luckily, her friend was there to calm things down.

Have a read of our recent interview with Grace Jones here