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Photo by Javier del Real / Royal Theatre via Getty Images


The French actress needs everyone to know how she feels

In many ways, we are all Marion Cotillard. On hearing the news of Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner’s impending divorce, I too sunk to my knees in a frenzy of despair, screaming into the void as I clasped my thrashing chest. We are she, but – more importantly – she is us. Nous sommes Marion.

Over the last couple of days, the Tuner-Jonases imploding marriage has been the source of much confusion (are they really splitting up? Didn’t she just post him on main? Who gets custody of Nick and Kevin?). But the Oscar-winning actress has made her feelings quite clear in the world’s de-facto public town square: the Entertainment Tonight Instagram comment section.

“Joe Jonas hires divorce lawyer amid 4-year marriage to Sophie Turner,” read the hard news piece, posted yesterday to ET’s IG account. No sooner had this appeared on grid did people begin reacting to the news. “Who divorces the Queen of the North?????😢,” said one dumbfounded commenter. “This saddens me. I hope they can work it out,” said a second, clearly shaken user.

Amidst all the troubles and tears, one Marion Cotillard decided to pipe up with her own personal protestations. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”, the French actress said. “NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Though Cotillard’s reaction may seem more visceral than the average Joe’s, we really must remember that the French are a passionate people and, in my experience, feel emotions much harder than those from normal countries. Taking this into consideration, Cotillard’s reaction would actually be seen as quite mild in the Francophone world. In comparison, the English-speaking equivalent to this outburst might be a simple “oh no”, or – in the most extreme cases – “oh babe!”

The question on our lips, however, is what really pushed Cotillard to express her disdain in this humiliating and public way? True, the dissolution of any marriage is a sad, sad thing, but what does the lady who voiced Tutu the fox in the 2020 reboot of Dr Doolittle know that we don’t? Does she herself have skin in the game? After an exhaustive 15-second Google search I can find nothing to suggest a previous relationship with either party, no nugget of connection or morsel of recognition.

The one piece of evidence that connects Cotillard with Turner is this article from a Spanish fashion blog, commending both women for ripping up the style rulebook, eschewing red carpet customs and dancing to the beat of their own drums (Turner bravely wore “jeans”, while Cotillard opted for an item known as “shorts”). In much the same vein, search engine results pairing Cotillard and Jonas delivered even less return, with barely a mention of the two in the same sentence. Like any good detective, I have given up and decided it doesn’t really matter that much. Let’s just chalk this whole thing down to Cotillard’s fiery, French soul. She loves love and hates to see a good marriage go down the pan. May her NOs forever continue! Vive la France!

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