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How to get off better, according to a legit masturbation coach


TextDominic Cadogan

Ten tips from Sue Sutherland, an expert on making self-love even more fulfilling

Welcome to Behind The Masc: Rethinking Masculinity, a campaign dedicated to exploring what ‘masculinity’ means in 2019. With photo stories shot in Tokyo, India, New York, and London and in-depth features exploring mental health, older bodybuilders, and myths around masculinity – we present all the ways people around the world are redefining traditional tropes.

Masturbating. Wanking. Jacking (or Jilling) off. Whatever you want to call it, (almost) all of us do it. For men, it’s often a topic of conversation between groups of friends – some, going even further and participating in the activity together (faint-hearted readers, don’t Google ‘soggy biscuit’). Yet, there’s the danger you’ve been doing it wrong all these years, or even worse, have become set in your ways and are not reaching your full potential. 

Enter the masturbation coach, a relatively new profession that sees those dedicated to helping us get off better, providing insight into techniques to increase fulfilment. To find out more, we spoke to Sue Sutherland, a certified sexological bodyworker and relationship coach. 

“A masturbation coach is someone who helps people develop a healthy solo erotic mindful practice,” explains Sue, who quit her job as a consultant and trained up in six months working with 17 volunteers learning about breath, body, movement, anatomy, neuroscience, consent and more. “Until then, I thought I was the only one who was stuck in the same unfulfilling habits, and I didn’t even know what I didn’t know about my body and how arousal worked. We don't get taught how to masturbate as part of our education system and it's often shrouded in shame and judgement.” 

Working with a variety of different clients, Sue is tasked with unlearning the misconceptions around masturbation and self-pleasure including, “having an orgasm is the only reason to masturbate” or “that it’s shameful and only men do it.” Or one of the biggest misconceptions: “That you can masturbate too much or not enough.” Giving intimate workshops can help unlearn these tropes and help clients achieve better orgasms and a better understanding of their bodies. 

Sue also highlights the struggles she encounters particularly with her male clients. “Many are struggling to know how they’re supposed to feel, act, and be,” she explains. “There is a lot of emphasis on sustaining erections and penetration and a distinct lack of non-sexual touch.” 

Here, Sue provides ten tips on how we can all get off better.

1. Remember you have a whole body to play with, not just your genitals. Blending different types of touch can be delicious.

2. If you usually sit or lie down when you masturbate, trying standing up or kneeling. You might be surprised by how different it feels.

3. When you find a particularly pleasurable sensation, try slowing down your touch by 50 per cent.

4. Notice when whatever you were doing stops being quite so effective. You may have reached a natural plateau. Most people tense up, breathe less and touch themselves harder and faster to try and overcome the lull in sensation. Take it as an opportunity to try a different type of touch, take a big breath or move your body.

5. Open your mouth! In the throes of passion with others, most people have their mouths open. The more we breathe the more we are likely to feel. Breath is also a great way to move sensations around the body. Feel those ripples…

6. Remember that orgasm does not equal masturbation. You can have deeply nourishing time without climaxing. Play around with the scales of arousal and enjoy the moments.

7. Set an intention for your pleasure practice. It might be you want to rediscover the parts of your body that make you shudder or feel horny. Explore and be inventive.

8. Set time aside to explore yourself sexually. Take the time to make it special for you. Get the temperature of the room just right, as well as the lighting. Add music, candles, or whatever is meaningful for you.

9. If you do have an orgasm, notice if that’s the end of the experience for you. What touch would be pleasurable to you in your post-orgasmic state? Your body may be more receptive than you realise.

10. Finally, enjoy your body and have fun.

Read more from Behind The Masc: Rethinking Masculinity here.

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