Pin It
Anthon Raimund

A guide to the best lunchtime beauty treatments, by Anthon Raimund


TextLydia Rose Veljanovski

The socialite and Photoshop provocateur tries out the latest treatments from cryotherapy to plasma lifts to botox

Welcome to Beauty School, the corner of Dazed Beauty dedicated to learning. From guides to histories, this is where we shed light on past subcultural movements and educate our readers on current trends and various goings-on.

Designer Anthon Raimund initially began photoshopping his images to make his friends laugh, but when he became inundated with questions about his ‘cosmetic procedures’ he quickly realised the power of Instagram to project a personal mythology. Anthon is fascinated by the fluid nature of digital identity, and how it can be used to construct an online persona wholly different from our IRL counterparts. Although his Instagram is undeniably a parody of mainstream accounts, it is also a homage to them. Anthon feels that excess, glamour and artificiality are qualities to be celebrated, not scorned at.

Whatever-his-name-was kissed me tenderly on the mouth and whispered some sort of adulation. But I wasn’t listening. I was staring over his shoulder at a poster of Jane Morris by Dante Rossetti framed above the fire hearth. As the flames danced and flickered across her face, an emotion flickered through me. It was one I have never known before and hope never to meet again - I was jealous.

See, I know that I am beautiful. My beauty is in the eye of a million beholders. I can sit at Chiltern Firehouse looking down at my phone warm in the knowledge that all eyes are on me. But as I lay there looking at Jane, with my earhole being softly tongued, it got me to thinking: she will always be that beautiful. Her porcelain skin will never sallow. Her eyes will never wrinkle. And that pomegranate she is holding will never rot. Her image is immortal.

I’m 21 years old and I am not ashamed to say I want to stay that way. So I resolved to sip from the font of youth by way of booking a few appointments. Here is what I had done.

Treatment 1: Cryotherapy

Otherwise known as cold therapy because, obviously, it’s bloody cold. They blasted me with liquid nitrogen at -175 degrees like the ice queen I am. The blood rushed to my internal organs and my legs began to tingle. This anti-ageing, stress-relieving beauty therapy helped me burn up to 800 calories. I left feeling rejuvenated like Jack Frost had just given me an orgasm.

LondonCryo, London E1 7LS
£90 a session/ £290 unlimited per month.

Treatment 2: Mesolift

During this treatment, a gun-like device was used to inject vitamins, minerals, amino acid and hyaluronic acid into my face to improve the surface of my skin. The swelling went down after 30 minutes and I was ready to flaunt my visage by lunchtime.

Clinic Dr Dray, London W8 5AD
£200 per treatment

Treatment 3: Plasma Lift

A vampire’s fantasy. Blood plasma and vitamins were injected into my face to give the appearance of eternal youth. Suck me, Edward Cullen.

Clinic Dr Dray, London W8 5AD
£600 per treatment

Treatment 4: Botox

I had 35 ml of the muscle paralyser injected into my forehead and around my eyes. The results were subtle and I can still express my disdain, but I now look extra stunning while I do it. 

Clinic Dr Dray, London W8 5AD
£450 per syringe

Treatment 5: Filler

Filled to the brim with timeless beauty thanks to 1 ml of filler in each cheek and 0.5 ml under my eyes. When it comes to this treatment, size matters and small packages actually deliver glowing results.

Clinic Dr Dray, London W8 5AD
£600 per syringe

Read Next
Chaetophobia, Claire Moore, Benjamin Madgwick
Watch this film about the uncomfortable sensuality of hair Beauty news
tits444tats trans men tattoos
Tits 4 Tats is giving free tattoos to help trans men who want top surgery Beauty news
Jackie Aina
Jackie Aina cuts ties with beauty brand Morphe Beauty news
Brad Mondo
The beauty experts saving you from YouTube’s worst tutorials Beauty Feature
buller & rice salon hair cut coronavirus London
This is what a post-lockdown haircut looks like Tried and Tested
necropheliac ophelia liu glow up winner makeup
Glow Up season 2 winner Ophelia talks sci-fi beauty and bad attitude Beauty Feature
Georgia Jagger
Georgia May Jagger’s step-by-step guide to trimming your split-ends at home Beauty news
Arielle Bobb-Willis, “Austin” (2020)
This photography print sale is raising money for Black British charities Beauty news
asai fashion east ss19 lfw london spring summer 2019
You can own Asai’s incredible SS19 nails and it's for a great cause Beauty news
The Crown Act
National Crown Day: July 3 is dedicated to ending hair discrimination Beauty news
Jeffree, James, Tati
Everything you need to know about Tati vs Jeffree Star & Shane Dawson feud Beauty Feature
Gemini July 2020
Cancer season and Mercury retrograde: your July 2020 beauty horoscope Horoscopes
tati
Tati says Shane Dawson & Jeffree Star manipulated her with ‘poisonous lies’ Beauty news
False lashes
Sephora to stop selling mink fur false eyelashes Beauty news
Conspiracy
Morphe removes all Shane Dawson x Jeffree Star Conspiracy beauty products Beauty news
Jacindo Leelo Ann
13 incredible Black LGBTQ+ make-up artists that you should be following Beauty Feature