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There's a Donald Trump erotic novel and it's sexy as hell

We interviewed the guy who's making all your Trump erotic dreams (?) come true.

It was inevitable that someone somewhere would eventually write a Donald Trump erotic novel. What could be more erotic than a billionaire real estate tycoon with a (sexy) toupee and his very own phallic skyscraper?

Weirdly, the internet doesn’t seem to agree with me on this one, pointing to the existence of a duck which is said to resemble the orange-faced, bouffant-haired, (sexy) Presidential hopeful. In fact, some cruel online commentators have even been saying that the duck is more attractive, which is harsh because obviously Donald Trump is better looking than a duck. If, like me, the thought of Donald Trump having sex doesn’t fill you with a kind of inexplicable nausea, then perhaps the new Donald Trump erotic novel is for you.

It's written by Elijah Daniel, a 22-year old comedian from New York. Called Trump Temptation: The Billionaire and The Bellboy, it tells the story of an illicit tryst between the tycoon and a bellboy in the Trump hotel in Hong Kong. The book can be yours for £1.40, but because we know that Dazed readers like to try before they buy, we’ve included some choice excerpts in the gallery above. Alternately, if you want Trump to be the (sexy) Master of your Deal, you can buy Elijah’s book here.

To find out more, Dazed interviewed Elijah to learn just how you write an erotic novel about Donald Trump.

Hi Elijah, thanks for talking to me. Where did you get the idea for a Donald Trump erotic book?

Elijah Daniel: I was really drunk and on Twitter and said I was going to do it and my followers held me to it. It was actually based on a satire article that was written which made out like I was Trump’s lover. It was a joke, and then I was like, fuck it, I’m going to turn this into an erotic novel.

Was it easy for you to think about Donald Trump in this way? Have you ever had erotic thoughts about him before?

Elijah Daniel: Oh, all the time! Absolutely. Every day.

The book advertises itself as a kinky tryst between Trump and a bellboy called Elijah. Who were your inspirations when it came to writing this?

Elijah Daniel: E.L. James was a big inspiration for me. This is a satire version of Fifty Shades of Grey, really. I want to point out this is a joke. There’s nothing sexy about the entire thing.

But do you want to get people off? There must be quite a lot of women out there who are into Donald Trump.

Elijah Daniel: No! This is a joke. It’s super bad. This is a really fucking stupid book.

So how would you feel if someone took this seriously?

Elijah Daniel: That would be fucking hilarious. I would love to hear about that.

How do you imagine Donald Trump having sex?

Elijah Daniel: Awkwardly! I don’t want to spoil the book too much, but there’s a really fucking weird sex scene at the end where he turns into a lizard.

What about the future? Will there be more Trump erotica?

Elijah Daniel: Yeah, if the book goes well I’m going to do a trilogy. He won’t just be shagging the bell-boy; there will be some other characters.

So you don’t think Donald Trump is sexy? 

Elijah Daniel: No.

Not even a little bit?

Elijah Daniel: No, mostly I think he’s a cock in general so this book was just a way for me to make fun of him.

Postscript: Elijah got in touch with me after the interview to tell me that he’s #9 in the Kindle store for humourous erotic fiction. I asked him how it felt. “LMAO topping all those fuckin charts.”