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A Margaret Thatcher statue is the last thing we need

Plans to erect a statue of Thatcher in Parliament Square have, obviously, been controversial

Theresa May, who should probably be focusing on far more important things right now, has said that proposals for a statue of Margaret Thatcher to be erected in Parliament Square “should not be abandoned due to threats of vandalism”. That is, on its own, an absolutely ridiculous thing to be worrying about. Our country is in a bit of a mess, isn't it, if we're being honest. Theresa May has absolutely no control over anything that’s happening right now and doesn’t seem to care or have any time to, but she is really worried about whether a statue of a gargoyle gets put outside or not. Because make no mistake: these are not plans to make a statue. The statue, ten feet of bronze (not iron, weirdly enough) already exists. I have seen it. I would not recommend looking at it. It is fucking terrifying if you’re scared of being haunted by the spectre of austerity. The eyes bore into you while her finger tells you off for having the nerve to be born poor. It’s a bit like Medusa, only without the empathetic backstory.

The statue was controversial initially for the obvious reasons, but also because Thatcher’s daughter Carol objected to the fact that the design didn’t include a handbag. An important issue, actually. Where else would she carry her big bronze scissors to slash benefits from beyond the grave? Think on that. Carol has also allegedly not given her blessing for Her Creepiness to stand on a plinth on the west side of Parliament Square, either. She's just against the whole thing, and honestly: same.

Me and Carol are on the same side, essentially, in that this statue really isn't a great idea. We've got different points though: I'm a bit less concerned with handbags and blessings, and more so with the fact that this statue, this heinous thing, cost £300,000. I know! We are a poor country right now! No magic money tree, lads, sorry. Your kids might be hungry, but we can drop a sweet 300 stacks on a statue of someone who actually, only died four years ago. The Thorney Island Society raised this issue, citing the principle of leaving a 10-year gap between a death and the installation of a statue. They said, “there is a strong case for the 10-year rule to be respected — there should be a decent interval before permanent statues are erected, especially when they are controversial enough to risk vandalism.” 

Yeah, yeah, the awful lefties might well deface a ten-foot statue of Margaret Thatcher. And, honestly, why wouldn’t they? It would represent not only Thatcher’s own evils, which really weren’t long ago enough to be immortalised without controversy or upset, but our country’s current failures. The fact that we are even prioritising or discussing this rather than literally everything else going on in our barely-a-country is insulting to all of the many people still living who were not only gravely affected by Thatcher’s government, but by May’s cobbled together army of incompetent weirdos.