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Tech bros molested and broke a sex robot at a festival

Of course they did

Men are often creeps. They like to shout at women in the street for their sexual gratification, think it's funny to stick their dicks into inanimate objects like letter boxes (yeah, you know who you are), and, it turns out, love to heavily massage the fake breasts of a sex robot – IN PUBLIC – until they literally malfunction.

Yes, this is the story of dear old Samantha the £3,375 sex robot, a doll who had the very unique misfortune of being taken by her creators to the Arts Electronica Festival in Linz, Austria, last month.

It's been reported that Samantha, who is particularly lifelike and moans when she's touched in certain areas, had to be sent back in a parcel to Barcelona for repairs and cleaning – after she was set upon by hordes of obviously sexually frustrated tech bros, keen to take a grab at her silicone.

Sergi Santos, the Spanish creator of the doll, seemed particularly upset by the whole affair, which, if you remove the loss of cash element to this story, is odd considering this is kinda exactly what she was made for.

He told the press: “The people mounted Samantha’s breasts, her legs, and arms. Two fingers were broken. She was heavily soiled. People can be bad. Because they did not understand the technology and did not have to pay for it, they treated the doll like barbarians.”

Seeming to forget that Samantha isn't a human on her death bed, he added: “Samantha can endure a lot, she will pull through.” To be fair to Samantha, she reportedly speaks multiple languages and is able to learn new things thanks to artificial intelligence software.

All I can think about is the gleeful way these men must have ‘mounted’ her, in a public space attended by hundreds of people, with absolutely no shame.

Their creepy love of sex dolls apparently has no bounds. Back in April it was reported that a brothel in Vienna, the capital of Austria, bought a second sex doll for its customers after its first £72-an-hour doll became more popular than its human prostitutes. 

Peter Laskaris, the owner of the brothel, actually wasn't that keen on it himself. He told the Metro: “I’ve tried that once, but it’s just like sleeping with a corpse.” Yeah mate, unsurprisingly a little robotic moan once in a while doesn't really replicate the literal life force of a human being.

Anyway, what's on my mind now that we seem to be in a stage where we're giving human names and emotions to sex robots, is imagining what would have happened if Samantha had struck back.

Like in that scene from Austin Powers, I reckon that all sex dolls should be given gun boobs to strike down all the gross men who try and touch them sexually. BRING IN THE FEMBOTS!