Pack your bags
Those sick of living on Earth with the rest of us peasants will be happy to know that Nasa has just discovered ten possibly habitable planets that you can eject yourself to. They announced that the Kepler space telescope, which has been roving the skies above Trump’s America with nary a care, has discovered 219 new planets near the Cygnus constellation in our Milky Way galaxy.
Of those 219, a whole ten are candidates for your potential new, unreachable home. They have been identified as rocky planets, and sit in their solar system’s “Goldilocks zone” – a scientific name meaning it’s not too hot, not too cold, but just right for life to thrive. Still TBC: how soon they’ll be booking flights to get there.
“There are now 4,034 planet candidates identified by Kepler, of which 2,335 have been verified as exoplanets,” said a statement released by Nasa “Of roughly 50 near-Earth size habitable zone candidates detected by Kepler, more than 30 have been verified. Additionally, results using Kepler data suggest two distinct size groupings of small planets. Both results have significant implications for the search for life.”
“This carefully measured catalogue is the foundation for directly answering one of astronomy’s most compelling questions – how many planets like our Earth are in the galaxy?” said Susan Thompson, a research scientist at the Seti Institute, which studies signs of extra-terrestrial life. You guys, it’s happening. We could be finally getting out of here. And to our dear, sun-scorched earth – gurl, bye!