I honestly don’t understand what’s happening any more
Yesterday, Donald Trump held a strange, sinister and wildly uncomfortable press conference. The event, which spanned nearly 80 minutes, was meant to be a chance for the president to introduce his new labour secretary nominee, Alexander Acosta – though it quickly descended into something much more confusing than that. A combative Trump took on the media, “fake news”, Russian “ruses”, crime, drugs, the “great wall”, and his now notorious immigration ban. He made sweeping (and amazingly inaccurate) statements about his accomplishments so far, dodged vital questions, and lied about his electoral win. It was a tough watch. To prevent you having to suffer through it, here are the most important – and jaw-dropping – highlights.
“THE BIGGEST ELECTORAL COLLEGE WIN SINCE RONALD REAGAN”
In his opening speech, Trump casually claimed that he had managed to secure the “biggest electoral college win” since Ronald Reagan. According to the president, people “came out and voted like they’ve never seen before”. In actual fact, the former reality star received less electoral college votes than his last three predecessors (including Obama, who received 332 votes in 2012 and 365 in 2008).
Later, while asking for questions from the press, Trump’s lie got called out by a reporter, who then began to press him on why he was providing false information. “I was given that information,” Trump responded dismissively. “I’ve seen that information around. But it was a very substantial victory. Do you agree with that?”
“DRUGS ARE BECOMING CHEAPER THAN CANDY BARS”
Just so you all know, drugs are now really really cheap. Like, cheaper than most chocolate bars. You all know that, right? Because it’s true, isn’t it? The president says so. “We're becoming a drug-infested nation,” he revealed. “Drugs are becoming cheaper than candy bars. We are not going to let it happen any longer.”
“THE LEAKS ARE ABSOLUTELY REAL, THE NEWS IS FAKE”
The conference was held days after it was revealed that members of Trump’s presidential campaign team had been in contact with senior Russian intelligence officials, which obviously meant that reporters were going to ask questions about it. Unfortunately, the president’s answers only made things more confusing – with Trump confirming that the leaks were “real”, but that the news reports on it were “fake”.
“You know, you can talk all you want about Russia, which was all fake news, fabricated deal, to try and make up for the loss of the Democrats and the press plays right into it,” he explained. The billionaire then, for the hell of it, started talking about how bad ties with Russia could produce a “nuclear holocaust” that would be “like no other”. Lol! Death.
For those keeping score:— Jon Lovett (@jonlovett) February 16, 2017
Good polls: REAL
Bad polls: FAKE
Things I say: DUNNO, SOMEONE TOLD ME
“ARE THEY FRIENDS OF YOURS?”
Just watch this, seriously.
“I AM THE LEAST RACIST PERSON”
After attempting to get a black reporter to set up a meeting with black lawmakers, Trump then proceeded to tell the press that he was the “least racist” and antisemitic person “you’ve ever seen in your entire life”. Big claim! HUGE! Strange to hear it coming from a man who is attempting to block all entry for citizens from seven Muslim-majority countries. He also, in case you’d forgotten, won the US election after gaining the support of the Klu Klux Klan, white supremacists and the alt-right. Oh, and he called Mexicans “rapists” and black people “lazy”. Least racist person ever.
"I am the least racist person," says the Central Park 5 Truther President who had to settle on a housing discrimination lawsuit.— Punch More Nazis (@KendraJames_) February 16, 2017