Watchmen

The most hyped comic book makeover of 2009 leaves Tim Noakes feeling blue.

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Who watches the Watchmen? Me, unfortunately. For all the hype and anticipation, Zack Snyder's big screen version of Dave Gibbons and Alan Moore's cult graphic novel falls way short of the mark. Infact, it is one of the most boring films I have ever seen. Unbelievably pretentious, an hour too long, and so in love with its own technical brilliance it forgets that people have come to the cinema to be entertained, not watch someone wanking off the CGI machine. Yes, the photography is brilliant and there are a few great moments, but these all crumble in the face of a convoluted storyline that makes Transporter 3 seem like a work of genius. You feel no empathy with the 'superheroes' or their struggle – that's if you work out (or care) what their struggle is amongst all the murder cases, nuclear conflicts, existential questions about humanity, self esteem issues, jail breaks, vacations to Mars, yadda yadda yadda. Of course, Alan Moore's original intention with Watchmen was to deconstruct concepts of traditional superheroes, leaving each character's questionable morals open for debate – but even he has distanced himself from this production, which says a lot. With more attention to the script and tighter editing, this film would have been brilliant. Afterwards, all I felt was blue. Watch something else.

Watchmen is released on 6th March.

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